Mother May I

As a child growing up I used to fiend for affection
Honestly I didn't know that what I need was direction
Kindness and love minus all the greed and deception
Loyalty to me was something I ain't seen or expected

I used to ask my mom why we never heard from my father
Like after age seven he ain't worried or bother
Her new husband was a punk and I ain't never respect him
Each day would pray to find a way to sever connection

Two brothers one sister zero hope for a formal life
Hungry no money catch me holding a fork and knife
Sports and recreation filled the void for a minute
Still the world we had created was destroyed in a instant

It was hard to process, lost touch with my self esteem
Never felt loved much, wasn't a healthy thing
Grew up hearing raps bout others pops that was leaving
Mom locked in her room said don't knock less you're bleeding

In fact this hell, guess the new normal was broken homes
Or being trapped in a cell, like 2020 with mobile phones
Wrote my poems about how I was hopeless
The lies and dope misguide you while you trying to focus

Liars provoke us stoking fires pyres is smoking
We dying they choke us while others stand by are you joking
Wonder why I'd grow this way and still smile
And hope it's a way my child can ride the waves 2000 miles from an ocean

I even took my father in, what I'm trying to cope with
Separation anxiety is wildly corrosive
Still every day I keep aspiring to rise and reload this dosage
And hit the road for gigs which I apply with the vocals

Rappers wanna talk but they don't know the pain
Like every sentence they mention spoken with novocaine
Every sentence I mention is fuckin yoga flame
I wrote the same until the whole game known my name

And it's like when look back at my life I'm just seeing all my struggle and stress
It's getting tougher just to juggle all the pain and the troubles bubbling up in my chest
I'm going crazy... angry words mumbled under my breath
Can't nobody save me... I know I'm headed for a wonderful death

I had to bring it back a final verse cause this shit go deep
To reenact the fact that I know cats is just gon sleep
I used to write my raps and tip toe creep
So peeps wouldn't know my wig loaded packed like pistol Pete

I'm pissed though hoping that my shit don't leak
That's forbidden never catch me slipping like crisco grease
Just know me, cold when I illustrate
Now I own real estate, that's my old soul in it's realest state

Cold around my heart is melted bet, regained my self respect
The heartfelt y'all ain't felt it yet
This is where heaven and hell connect
We all been dealt a deck some have and some haven't dealt with yet

Took my past put it on a song, it's facts damn
Quote this I'm focused like PAC Man
Going for the gold and goat list god is strong
Now basically chasing ghosts that was chasing me all along