Uncaged

So Nicolas Cage is playing Joe Exotic?
It's a terrible casting man!
Ha ha, he should be playing the Tiger!

Step to the Cage, and Nic is quick to rip ya face off
Just like he did in my favorite film: Face Off!
Ya know the one where he and Sean Archer faced off?
Swapped places, put each other's face on?
But I'm not John Travolta, I'm Castor Troy!
I like my guns gold-plated and I'll cap your boy, oh!
Better get off that carousel, I'll shoot ya!
But I'll never grab your ass without a "Hallelujah!"

Wait, Joe Exotic getting played by Nicolas?
All he has to do is look like he's got syphilis
Be the Tiger king you gotta lower your appraisal
And just like in Raising Arisona, gotta snatch kids from cradles
That movie's crazy, kidnap a baby out of his carriage!
Getting beat down heavily just to fix his broken marriage
An underrated film, hope he won't break character around
The Tiger amateurs going straight for another limb!

Cast your mind back 5500 days!
The take of a life is in the sight of one Benjamin Gates
Historian delving deep into the artifacts and tracks
Like the Indiana Jones of America's past
A fist of cash for your leisure in your pocket is the game
Got a National Treasure on the docket for today
But never say the Ben Gates has ever been late to a date
With Ben Frank's traces scattered in the United States!

Stepping to Nicolas! you gon' feel that Johnny Blaze!
With the penace stare, he can take you out in just one gaze
Wasn't in the MCU, but he still paved the way
For all these other Marvel movies breaking records till this day
Got that fire head, and I ain't talking foreplay
Also brought some chains, and again they ain't for play!
Rotten Tomatoes critics thinking that their all that
Ghost Rider bout to pull up and leave their skulls cracked

When you think Wicker, you might think furniture
Not Nick Cage facing crazy pagan murderers
Officer Malus wants a little girl returned
But you just gotta ask the critics to see how it got burned!
Had to fight for his life through apiary acolytes!
See, the Sisters want some honey so they need a sacrifice!
It's hard to bear but at least we got the memes
Not the bees, not the bees, not the bees, not the bees!

Oh no, let's cut the rappin', let's make some magic happen!
We watchin' wizards wielding plasma, lighting up Manhattan!
When Cage be rocking mops on top then brother know that it's true
He's trainin' up a new Apprentice like Kenobi would do!
Ooh yuh, Balthar that's the Blake yuh, here to mentor Dave yuh
An immortal warlock played by the immortal Cage yuh
Critics must be under mind control with all the hate yuh
This a magic movie that's more epic than Fantasia!

I'm Tom Wales, I sat in that arm chair
Palms started to swell, I was watching a Bombshell
A girl stabbed to death, Marry Ann, had to make a plan, private eye
Trying to find the guy in the mask disguise
A deep dive in the world of porn and snuff
I'm back for revenge, Big Eddie, your warnings up
Killed the machine when rage started to fill up
I saw the biggest secrets lies up in Eight Millimeters

Because Nicolas Cage is the Tiger
The type of man who cannot be tamed
So when you try to Cage up the Tiger
You'll bring the Tiger right out the Cage!

Nick Cage and David Lynch, what a tight combo
In "Wild At Heart", Sailor Ripley was the bomb yo!
With a snakeskin jacket, representing symbolically
His individuality and freedom hyperbolically
With Wizard of Oz references through out
Cage becomes a father, but Laura Dern is left in doubt
Will he love her tender? When he's out of prison?
A violent fairy tale full of very poor decisions!

Peep the sequence, local cop got some sleazy secrets
Beautiful wife and a girlfriend that he can sleep with
Placing bets, Mondo! Dressing up like Don Ho!
Got an eye on a blonde he's trying to take back to his condo
Whoa! Assassination in Atlantic city, save the victim
Spitting blood on this corrupt system!
But Lil' Ricky rolled Snake Eyes, it's that easy
The house wins! But hey, at least he got on TV!

Eight years and I didn't crack
I bought a bunny and I'll bring it back
He's in a bag in a box in a tube
That's rolling through the sky with a whole lotta rude dudes!
A weak man might raise hands to the sky
Yelling "why me?!", wiping cold sweat from his eyebrow!
I'll be me, you can be John Malkovich!
Either way put the bunny in the box bitch!

Lord Of War, best movie in the arsenal
Nick Cage rages crazy as an animal
Did a line of blow, but mixed it with gunpowder
Sellin' more weapons, to all sides control and power
Did it for his country so he'll never get caught
And a brother Jared Leto, can't get over the coke
Nick so tough he doesn't cry watching Jared gets smoked

When the sun goes down, out come the nightcrawlers
And I'm about to get some blood on your white collar
I'll bite your neck, send you into wild bliss
Have a bandaid handy for my Vampire's Kiss!
Call you Guano, you gone batshit
I mean Peter, what even is that accent? (Oh god)
Are you Nosferatu? Or could you be fakin'?
Either way, throw your shades on, and keep your cheap fangs in

Return of the king, not the Tiger just remember
Cage in his veteran role Joe Enders!
Wind talking through all the fire and the embers
Based on true events, but it is Cage that we remember!
Nobody can argue the heat that he brought us, got us fubar
People are dying, but we are complying, cuz he is my sarge!
Yeah you know he's untouchable, actor and chameleon
Disappear in every role I wish that I could meet him

Because Nicolas Cage is the Tiger
The type of man who cannot be tamed
So when you try to Cage up the Tiger
You'll bring the Tiger right out the Cage!
Now listen this is the Nicolas Cage Cypher
Tie him down, he'll fly off the chain
So if you think you can Cage up the Tiger
You'll bring the Tiger right out the Cage!

Big daddy in your warehouse, ready to ass kick
Along with Hit Girl and our sidekick, Asskick!
Me and my daughter leave your guts on the walls
"Let's get sundaes after!" Good call, baby doll
Ex-cop vigilante, but I'm incognito
You're about to meet the Reaper Frank D'Mico
Take cover child! Quick, hit the lights!
Now switch to Kryptonite!

Next up, Moonstruck, romantic leading man
Get the big knife, Camerierie lost his hand!
Tickets to the opera, Loretta lookin' pretty
Howl at the moon, this is New York City!
Will Ronnie betray his brother who's away?
Olympia Dukakis, Tryna get her rocks off!
Call Fraiser's dad and take him out to dinner
So sorry, Nick, Cher's the Oscar winner

This is the first person narrative voice of Charlie Kaufman
Trying to make a rap about a book but the outcome's
Not forthcoming, I've got writer's block
So let me pass to someones who actually likes hip hop!
My brother Donald taking over the script, a lyrical wrecking ball!
That's pushing weight and moving bricks, that isn't a metaphor!
I never mind the 4th, I break the 5th damn wall!
Yeah I look OK, I admit, man I'm Dan Bull

Call me Peter Parker but I'm from the 1930's
Let the match run down to my fingers so I can feel it burning
Soul is hurting, death I'm flirting, perfect when I'm rhyming words
I'll stay repping, pulled into the webbing of the Spider-Verse!
Beating up Nazis, the force of my punches
Is knocking them into the ground
Wow, I'm feeling profound, it's sicking seeing
The state of the nation we've found
Uh, Spider-Noir, there's a reason why we have to fight
Don't talk about morality because to me it's black and white!

The year is 96' when Nick wasn't a risk
Michael Bay said stick him in the Rock and it'll be a hit
You've got James Bond calling the shots
Underneath the shower making future Call Of Duty plots!
A classic case of chemical warfare
An upset general cause he's losing his own hair!
The Cage yet again, part of action history
Saving San Francisco from what could've been it's misery!

They call me Red, even tho my neck ain't
Middle-name is Revenge, and I'll get straight
With the cult that killed my Mandy, damn
I'll knock back some vodka, don't need any pants!
Got an axe to grind, but first to forge one
Pick up a chainsaw, and forget your sword, son!
I'll take a lot of licks, now I'm trippin' balls
They ripped my favorite shirt, now I'll kill 'em all!

Because Nicolas Cage is the Tiger
The type of man who cannot be tamed
So when you try to Cage up the Tiger
You'll bring the Tiger right out the Cage!
Now listen this is the Nicolas Cage Cypher
Tie him down, he'll fly off the chain
So if you think you can Cage up the Tiger
You'll bring the Tiger right out the Cage!