My Lives

As I fall down, and wake up in Hell
It seems to leave me with a glow that I've never felt before
I hope to God and pray you've died
I'm always home, pick up the phone, call me anytime
The rest of everyone has gone and left you to be mine
With the shattering of my lives

There's nothing left, nothing returnable
Your attitude's deplorable
Why is it okay to do
What you said you would never do
Who gave you that right?
Forgiving you would be too kind I would go out of my mind
If I knew how it felt to watch me crawl around and die
With the shattering of my lives

Long ago, when everyone was kind
I fell down the deepest hole I've ever seen in my life
Everything was crashing around me, ain't that right
But you were there, you made it worse
You made the flagpole have bad connotations
Beggars can't be choosers but they can once they have died
With the shattering of my lives

There's nothing left, nothing returnable
Your attitude's deplorable
Why is it okay to do
What you said you would never do
Who gave you that right?
Forgiving you would be too kind I would go out of my mind
If I knew how it felt to watch me crawl around and die
With the shattering of my lives

If a tumor isn't all that bad you shouldn't waste your time
It's the product of a generational gap in cut time
COINTELPRO scowling at the chance to live a night life
Drowning in the darkness of an invisible Highway Mind

You'll never know how badly you hurt me
I can't even say your name out loud
Every time I remember you it makes me sick
How you manipulated me
Made me deny who I was because you said you needed me
The fact that it's years later and I still remember how badly you burned me

And I know the first step to recovery is to acknowledge it
And I've acknowledged it
But I can't progress with how I'm reminded nearly every day
Of the kind of shit you did to have control
It's not worth getting upset about, I think I'm done with that
I just need some self-control, the kind you took from me
It wouldn't even be so bad, but then you insulted me
Assaulted me

There's nothing left, nothing returnable
Your thoughts are uncontrollable
Why is it okay to do
What you said you would never do
Who gave you that right?
Forgiving you would be too kind I would go out of my mind
If I knew how it felt to watch me crawl around and die
With the shattering of my lives