Losing It

I say I'm happy but I'm not fake a smile it takes a lot
No energy feeling lost, what's the point now your gone
Plagued by nightmares where I'm shot, through the head and i wake up
Didn't think that was a dream, no I'm losing losing weak

Yeah i hear these ghost yeah outside my hallway
My windows covered in ash at the moment
I don't think ill ever escape from this
The walls start to breathe and the eyes just open up

Moving back and fourth like I'm in a body
Of some disfigured by product of hate
I guess ill make my home right here
I'm more comfortable being trapped inside then exposed

To the daylight of the morning
Where I hear pretty whispers just calling my name
And I wake up in a day dream
Thinking that you just went out to get coffee or you went to work

But yeah i know that it wasn't real
That's why i stay awake in the night time
So i know i don't get disappointed by the morning
When i wake and your not there

Cus you know this life gets a bit difficult at times
Yeah I don't think I'm coping i think that I'm lost
Yeah teetering on the edge of suicide
Like yeah do i do it or do i wait to die

Cus it feels like you picked out the gems from my bones
I was so beautiful now I'm empty and all alone
Cus you love to put your two hands in my insides
And you push me on the stage where I'm blinded by the light

Yeah I'm tripping on my own tongue try to find the words
Just to tell my family that im not ok, i hurt
Tell me when was the last time that anyone cared
Probably when you read my eulogy when im fucking dead

Everyone has their opinions on why i takes these fucking drugs
Yeah just to feel numb so i can't give a fuck
I'm sick of overthinking about everything in my life
And you know youre fucked up too

It's crazy they don't get it
Just a-fucking-live cuz I got people that be caring
Standing on the edge and staring
At the faces warped from cries if took this step to end it

Walls be closing so I'm phoning in cuz I feel so lone
On the edge of it, cuz I'm on a binge and I know it shows
Sold my soul for shit boy this ain't a skit, man I feel so cold
Lost it in a f it, I was in a binge, can't take back those

So I live with it, and I loop a bit, and I loop a bit
Like I broken record I'm forgotten bitch
I know I got a problem, made a fucking list
Knowing I'm adding daily cuz I'm throwing fits

My mental state be going down a pit
I got a itch, which I gotta fix
Cuz I'm bleeding out from scratching all of it

These walls are closing in
Losing all my breath
Thinking did I live and life without a end

Gasping for a breath
Fighting for my friends
Fuck I gotta make it, I ain't ready yet

Gotta make amends
Cannot fly again
Off the handle, man I'm fucking losing it

Grounded by a bend
Blacking out again
Sober up until it happens all again

Fucked up I need to lay low
Beta blockers with the Faygo
Anxiety got me fucked up with these fake thoughts screaming lameo

So I close my eyes till it fade away
Open up and it's another day
Another day issa another waste
Man I fucking hate, that I think this way