The Grudge (feat. Araless)

I just wanted to talk to you
For just a minute

For over half my life I held a grudge on you
Fuck the courts I been the most active at judging you
I can't remember the last time I showed love to you
Not gonna lie lately it's had me real uncomfortable
I'm not saying I forgive
Just saying that by now I probably should of
To this day if I saw you I'd still probably put my hood up
And act like I don't look just like that man there
Looking back that shit probably isn't fair
Cuz I was too young to know
The shit you were dealing with
The budget the money flow
The loan from the dealership
It feels like an undertow
The surface it seem legit
In love with a woman don't love you back that's the realest shit
You got a teenager now
He smoking that reefer skunk
First born of two hippies you had to know that was creeping up
The son of a drummer
You had the nerve be stunned when the boy grew up
To love a genre that was
Literally born from percussion
But ya losing your grip
You been starting to snap
Hiding bottles of Monarch I'd see the red on the cap
Sticking out from the cabinet when I opened it up
One time I found one right in front of you and opened it up
And took a dozen or so chugs of the sludge to the gut
Man, if my kid did that I'd a hung the stuff up
But I don't know you
I don't really know you
I never offered you the chance to let me get to know you
See I don't believe you were you when you were raisin me
Soon as she dipped you dipped mentally, you weren't there for me
You lost so much of yourself you couldn't barely see
That face that was looking back at you reflected hazily
The day you put your hands on me was possibly the last day you ever did
Still don't know if I was better in that moment
Or let the devil in
Balled my fist, swung hard as I could I could of killed you then
Dug a hole, dropped you in and filled it in
Wishing I had different skin, a little thicker
Been a little bigger
Cuz I'll never know that feel
When those closest to you cant deal with ya
They turned they backs and leave you to fight all these demons all by yourself
At a time when you needed help
Can't imagine how that shit felt
I'm still mad as hell
But I don't wanna get that call that you gone
And I was too stubborn to let these bygones be bygones
Part a growing up is learning how to unstack all of these pylons
That we build up letting stress wrap us up tight as fuck like a python
And I got more than enough love round me right now
I can spare some
Been collecting these stories up like memoirs
I can share some
I just hope that it's not too late
Cuz I don't wanna die
With none if this hate
Give it one last try

We can't go back in time
There's no way to undo
You left me with pain that shaped me
Only goal was to not become you
Now I'm grown and I've really lived
I can't say I fully forgive
Even after everything you did
I'm willing to wipe the slate clean and start new
We can't go back in time
There's no way to undo
You left me with pain that shaped me
Only goal was to not become you
Now I'm grown and I've really lived
I can't say I fully forgive
Even after everything you did
I'm willing to wipe the slate clean and start new