This Ends Well

I spend my time surviving
Just to miss another day
Well, it just doesn't seem right
When you look at it that way
I plant myself on top of it
To crush it with my soul
But even under the sheer weight
Of my being it wont fold

And now it just feels stupid to
Pretend that I don't care
But I still do...

I try to disengage and
I find myself forgotten
They say its all my fault
And I have no reason to doubt them
I pretend it doesn't hurt
Even though it does
Just a little...

Got to find me a chainsaw, chainsaw star
I got to find me a window
To throw myself out
Got to find me a way to
Sway my way down
I got to find me a reason
To throw myself out

I know you think you know me
But I prefer that you don't
It makes me feel mysterious
You think its rather cold
I try to create something but
I hate when I succeed
I wish it would stop telling me
That it knows what I need

I think I read a book about it
Or even written one myself
Never published...
Got to find me a chainsaw...

(And though mistakes define me
And though these feelings show
No one will ever notice
No one will ever know)
They say this is the end but
I feel about the same
I wish I could change everything
I wish that i could change
I pick another reason to
Pretend I don't exist
It makes it that much easier to
Pretend I can resist
I look into the future and
I see where it began

This Ends Well