This Is Me

I don't like the fact that I might need to stay sedated
There's a certain type of pain I feel I can't evade it
I can't tolerate it and I hate to say it
That my parents think I'm good 'cause they faith say the good is fated

I just wanna wear pants, just dance
I just wanna have a chance at romance
I just wanna be here, be there
Be free without care but my knees in a snare

And I noticed that my life in threes
Like you looking at her while she looking at me
And I'm just trying to breathe, trying to murder PD
But the GAD too L-O-U-D

And the worst is just simply that it's me verse me
I don't know if you can deal with me
So retreat, find peace, hope I never find a piece
I been having mean thoughts and it's not the real me

No it's not the real me
No it's not the real me
How Ima tell 'em? real like how Ima tell 'em?
How Ima tell 'em? real like how Ima tell 'em?

Every single bitch I trust
Family that I don't love
Friends that never level up
Thoughts that tell me I ain't 'nuff

Listen, prison isn't just
Buildings sittin' ridden, rust
A pen is existing within us
So I put mine in my hand 'til the pad ash and dust

And I keep writing 'til I feel fine, 'til the beat mine
You don't know the feeling that I get rhyming each line
You can keep your God, I'ma wait until I meet mine
Know I need help but I can't help but decline

Still you find me where you feed me like a feline
Barely leave the house like my feet stuck in deep ice
Nobody look at me cause I got the bleak eyes
I been up all night without sleep sipping cheap wine

I don't member when the shit reversed
In a low I smile, in a high I curse
And I cry 'cause I know it expires every time
And a low becomes the floor and that feeling's the worst

'Cause a high becomes the sky, I can't reach it anymore
Sad clown syndrome I'm about to be floored
Then I change masks real fast and people can see that
I hate that people see that

Every single bitch I trust
Family that I don't love
Friends that never level up
Thoughts that tell me I ain't 'nuff

Listen, prison isn't just
Buildings sittin' ridden, rust
A pen is existing within us
So I put mine in my hand 'til the pad ash and dust

"Funny that you mental 'cause your mental 100 though
Jack of all trades thinking you a 2 of diamonds though
But you're a diamond you never crack, still you funny though
You make us all laugh until an attack comes and take you home
Then you sit and frown and grit and cry and think you all alone
But I've never seen someone so loved like I don't get it, O
You have a charm when you talk and you witty and clever
Fucking irresistible until your laziness enters"

Bullshit, I don't feel that way
If I tell you I do, please ignore what I say
I OD on self-love because I'm afraid
If I don't then you won't and I think I would break

And I don't think I can take that
Whatever's maintained I wanna maintain that
I've lost a lot of love and I hate that
Even old friends that I've known from way back

I want my old ways back
Wish I could save my attention - not pay that
I wish I never panicked and ran in just to lay flat
And grab a breath of air like my lungs weren't made for that

How I'ma take it back? real like how I'ma take it back?
How I'ma take it back? real like how I'ma take it back?