We Are Warlocks

I put on my robe and wizard hat
Backpack with black cat, six pack
All that shit you need to wreck some nerds
Punk-ass mages that gotta learn
Prepare to enroll in my magic school
Wine is my elixir and beer is my tool
Never bring a knife to a wand fight fool
Imma drop yo body in my mana pool

I need a scotch
On the rocks
Doin' dirty work
My target locks
I'm not gonna botch this attack
Just watch
Body bags discarded at the river docks

We are at war and you can call me Sun Tzu
Cause I perfected the art of destroying you
You're about to get wiped
And you got no clue
Watch out for me and my goblin crew

Carcasses litter the ground
Lost familiars jitter around
Newly orphaned critters abound
These Warlocks bitter ends found

Watch and learn from a relentless magician
Master caster and proficient lyrician
Heat is all around me, but I'm still cool
What's that? Don't you zap me fool!
You don't wanna stand between me and progress
Unless you wanna experience my arcane prowess
I can dominate you when I'm at my lowest
My spells are the best and my inventions the dopest

My empire will last a thousand years
My pipelines will deliver a billion beers
My mercenaries prey on your biggest fears
My barrel's filling up with your salty tears

Break open a keg and bring on the fun
Gather here friends, the table is done
Barrels filled up to the brim
Scrolls written in light so dim
Cards in hand and spirits high
Let 'em hear a battle cry
Pick up the pace, we don't want no slack
I'm putting my dice in Cthulhu's sack

It's so quiet...
It's the deep breaths... before the plunge

Here I come, officially Grand Master
Barrel builder and death ray blaster
Clearing the table by tearing the cloth
One swift movement while slitting your throat
Y'all are doomed and I am the reaper
Avoiding your traps like I'm playing mine sweeper
Bombing your base like I'm a creeper
I'll loot your graves to make my setup completer

It's not too late to forfeit and you probably should
Cause I attack stronger than you ever could
Your goblin engineer is a fake and a fraud
I would meatgrinder him, but I like 'em raw
I'm democratically inclined, so don't call me majesty
But after this game, I'll have a Lincoln-like legacy
Cause I'll break up these dunces' confederacy
And you just know winning this game is my destiny

Well I'm all out of mana, and done kicking ass
You can't win a game just with banter and sass
With no spells to throw, you just talking thrash
So that's it for me; I'm dismissing the class
Well my turn is over, so let's see you have a go
Prove to me your wands ain't just for show
I'm a Wasted Warlock, but friend, so are you
So show me mate; let's see what you can do!

WE ARE WASTED WARLOCKS!