As My Mind Decays

I am my own worst enemy
I'm getting Closer to the edge for the world to see that I
Can tear holes through every single inch of my being
And I will revel in my own demise
May you not weep when I die for I will
Come back as the demon that resides inside

I'm just as wasteful as the next there's no second guess
May I never come back don't look back

I'm just a parasite biting on every leader and follower
Pathetic waste of life
When all is said and done scatter my ashes in the mud
Where you lay for a change just to be close to a let down

I'm rotting and bleeding every essence of me fading
For what I once was is nothing more than a minuscule grain of sand
I'm waiting for the lamenting anguish to be my end
Just leave me in my filth and sorrow

I am a fucking monster
Just a worthless disgrace
I'm too fucking cold
Choke me in death's embrace

The idea of an afterlife leaves me with weakened integrity
Surrounded by toxic masculinity
No one ever talks about it
No one should ever feel this
No one ever talks about it
No one should ever feel this

Can you feel this
Can you feel me
Even though you're laughing at me bleeding

There is no pill that's hard to swallow
Just as long as it ceases my existence
There's no consoling me
No controlling me
There's no fucking saving me

Intolerable pain washes over my empty shell of being
All of the ignorance anxiety of being in a hive mind state
Led me to a massive relapse
All this and more as my mind decays

I am a fucking monster
Just a worthless disgrace
I'm too fucking cold
Choke me in death's embrace

All I've ever wanted in this fucking life is a place to call my own motherfucker
Six fucking feet below