If Not Now, Then When?

If not now then when?
Will the contentment commence?
Will i find the thing that quiets down
The ruckus in my head?
Or is sadness in my dna?
Is there a point trying to to get away?
PTSD-emons hide
When i close my eyes they'll jump into my brain

Think of all the growth
All the roads i crossed
But i'm still in pain
Was it all for naught?

You know i ain't afraid of crashed cars
But i'm petrified of the suffering
That comes with the permanent depart
And the call that brings the weeping that i dread
Cause i can't see ur face from above
But i'll feel the earthquake
From your violent tears
And after all we've been through
I couldn't bear to cause more damage to your soul
But the thought doesn't leave my mind
And at this point i don't know if it ever will
Cause my brain has had more then enough
So it let the bloody runoff run throughout
Fermented pain and shattered dreams
Will live forever in my knees
So when i try to outrun my past
My mistakes start to pulsate throughout me
My joints will ache, my legs give way
So i will fester on the ground

Think of all the growth
All the roads i crossed
But i'm still in pain
Was it all for naught?
Think of all i've been
All the paths i've walked
But i'm still in pain
Was it all for naught?