Disorderly

Prevent my own sleep producing pretended parables in my mind
Give in to defeat to grasp a grain of gratitude for my time
I don't want to be here, it doesn't feel right
But maybe if I trick myself I can get over this fright

It's disorderly of me
To disengage from conversation when I feel the need
It's controlling me I feel
The echoing it stops the flow, my thoughts are hindering
If I just became ordinary
I could live my life so differently
It's disorderly of me
To be the person I was born to be

My thoughts they race at a moment's notice
I can never sit down and just smell the roses
My en em ee it comes from within
No more excuses I can hear it sing
I never get a chance to just catch my breath
Cause everytime I try I blink and forget
This truly agonizing daily struggle
It's just way way way too much for me to juggle

Can't get the words out of my mouth
Can't imagine how many takes this will amount
My lips too slow or my mind's too quick
All I know is that I stumble and I look like a prick

It's disorderly of me
To disengage from conversation when I feel the need
It's controlling me I feel
The echoing it stops the flow, my thoughts are hindering
If I just became ordinary
I could live my life so differently
It's disorderly of me
To be the person I was born to be

Look in the mirror and what do I see?
An emotional wreck bursting at the seams
It's like I bottle it up and I don't even know
Nothing turns to something and I'm crying alone
I can't leave the house with a level head
The fear of interaction brings me constant dread
It hurts to even think about the things I'll get wrong
But that's exactly why I'm turning all this into a song

It's disorderly of me
To disengage from conversation when I feel the need
It's controlling me I feel
The echoing it stops the flow, my thoughts are hindering
If I just became ordinary
I could live my life so differently
It's disorderly of me
To be the person I was born to be