What A Mess

My arms are cast from concrete
While my chest continues rising and falling
I welcome darkness, pull the shades
To keep out all the evidence
I'm closer than I've ever been to dying
A weighted blanket wraps me up
As new light elbows through that darkened window

And I've been trying to tell you what a mess I am
As I've been trying to process it the best I can
While you proceed to give a demonstration
Of an acute but innocent frustration
While I contemplate the implications
Of running on empty for too long

The pulse of a life examined
Races faster than these old chambers can keep up
They spark and stutter
I used to be so happy to suffer
It seemed like bouncing off the redline
Would make me room to breathe easy eventually
But all this accumulated pain
Just levels me instead

That's why I've been trying to tell you what a mess I am
As I've been trying to process it the best I can
While you proceed to give a demonstration
Of an acute but innocent frustration
While I contemplate the implications
Of running on empty for too long

I appreciate the value in taking it slow
I promise I will
This should be my mental health year
Let's see how it goes
It goes

Because I've been trying to tell you what a mess I am
As I've been trying to process it the best I can
While you proceed to give a demonstration
Of an acute but innocent frustration
While I contemplate the implications
Of running on empty for too long

And I know I should give it time
(I'm trying to tell you what a mess I am)
But it's heavy; I'll be honest
I'm so desperate
(I'm trying to process it the best I can)
For some answers
It's my right, but I'm too burned out to care

And I know I should give it time
(I'm trying to tell you what a mess I am)
But it's heavy; I'll be honest
I'm so desperate
(I'm trying to process it the best I can)
For some answers
It's my right, but It's just time to move on