Should I Kill Myself at 30, or, Confession #2

I went for a ride
With my pistol at my side
Called the suicide hotline
And talked to a nice guy

There's no purpose to the pain
The endless gentle ache
This catastrophic yearning
Can it ever be slaked?

I am broken and bereaved and I want to believe
That a plea to God might really be received
But I'm just a drifter with dreams of domination
And I relay all of this without hope of revelation

I'm in a manic mood
Don't give me platitudes
I'm at capacity
I wanna step off gravity

I'm sick of this city
It saps my will
I'm sick of all the noise
And I'm sick of all the filth
I'm sick of dirty jokes
I'm sick of cigarettes
I'm sick of sittin' round
On the internet
I'm sick of channeling
My dreams through this guitar
I want to start again
But I know I've gone too far
Information overload
I wanna smash my phone
There's no place I can go
Cos nowhere feels like home
I've lost all these lifetimes
And it feels like such a waste
But no one ever told me
That they'd be carved on my face

So I'm standing on the edge
With all my life to lose
It ain't a Meditation of Regret
I'm just reaching for my muse

Little bird, I'm so sorry
I never thought it'd go so wrong
But what you said in parting
The echo's been prolonged

You say if I love you then I'll let you go
But there's more to it than that, girl, I think you know
Meet in the morning in the warmth of fresh sunrise
I just want for you to look me in the eyes

Why don't we fly away?
We can leave today
I wanna hoist you in the air
Keep you suspended there

But everything's a prayer
And I might just be talking to myself
I don't know if I can take it
If it's true the love that I once felt was a sham
There's no poetic way to say this
I think I'm headed for an early death
So if I should pull that trigger
I've just got some song requests

Play me some Beatles, then
Play me some Petersens
And Emily Jones, my long lost friend
Play me some Tony Rice
Play me some Bright Eyes
And then play Motel Guide
I wanna hear Punch Brothers and
I wanna hear some Emmett Franz
And of course I gotta hear The Band
I wanna hear Richie Conway
I wanna hear Bob Dylan play
Tyler Childers' Lady May
Play me some Pleasance House
And Iron and Wine no doubt
Let Sufjan ring out
Play Gungor once again
And Deyarmond Edison
Then, baby, you can count us in
You can count us in, girl
You can count us in
You can count us in



Credits
Writer(s): Fernando Mackenzie
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

Link