Confession

I love you son

Where were you when he was hurt and all alone?
Where were you when he kept tryna call your phone
Why did you have to leave him in a broken home
Made of thrown stones to cope alone
That's why the fuck he'd lose control
Just a child so confused about his adolescence
Feeling threatened 'cause the world unfurled
It was just so unpleasant
He wears a blank expression
Battling depression
Not to mention his violent aggression
Towards his own reflection
'Til one day, he finds a Smith and Wesson
A 38 custom-made with a barrel extension
He wondered if his own death would even get attention
Feels the tension as he tells the pastor his one last confession
Father, please forgive me for yet I have sinned
It's like the slightest light inside me is slowly getting dimmed
I feel my time is running slim
My patience getting thin
I can feel the weakness in my body spreading from within
My father left me as child, I was barely two
You ever idolized a man whom which you never knew?
You ever tried to hide from demons that are chasing you
And blaming you for all the pain in this life you been taking through
"It's alright my child, you can tell the truth"
"Whatever's said between us here stays with me and you"
I feel consumed from holding all this in
I can't resume to hide it, so I guess I'll fight it
From right here inside the booth
When I was 12 I will still so young into my youth
Another kid shoved a pistol in my face and said he'd shoot
I was scared to move, don't what the fuck to do
But at the same time a kinda felt like I had shit to prove
I grabbed the gun, he tried to run and so I stomped his ankle
He picked it up, I snatched his neck and i started strangle
He's on the ground and I'm on top
I grabbed a rock, I couldn't stop, I heard a POP
And then well
Like Cain and Abel
A gang banger by the time that I was 16
On the streets of Cleveland with a pistol tucked into my jeans
Every night under the street lights would be my life
I know it wasn't right but by midnight I was chasing screams
I was a bastard, armed robbery or blood splatter
Shit it didn't matter just as long as I made money faster
Started sealing drugs, at 17, amphetamines
Master in the kitchen but was haunted by the darkest laughter
Crazy shit happens after you mix Sudafed
Lighter fluid, lye and lithium and take it to the head
Tried to go to bed, end up in the woods instead
Waking up a week later, doctor said I should be dead
I blinked and I was twenty
Had a buddy tell me
Baking soda and some cocaine would double all my money
I had my momma so worried I thought the shit was funny
Suddenly I'm in a cell, and she's wishing that she could hug me
I made bail, then I saw her husband tried to hurt her
Fucking blacked out and woke back up to attempted murder
Broken ribs and vertebrae how's that chair brother
Shit I got no regrets I know my m- that I love her
Living life like I did it with no fairytale
I ain't scared go to hell
Shit I been there since I was 12
I just hope that when I die
Somebody mourns me
The worse part of all this shit
It's only half my story