A Letter Never Sent

This story is told out of order
For want of intent to resign
Why I left that life behind
If you saw me I know what you would say
The good kid had it made
Why'd he throw it all away

So let's stop being coy, let's out with it now
That savory taste, once welcome,
Has gone sour in my mouth
Yet the hunger still will not subside
How does one decide
Whether to eat in shame or starve in pride

This story is told out of order
Dictated but not read
In a letter never sent
Forgive me if I don't wish to draw heat
People say a lot of things
When they think that you're asleep

So let's stop being coy, let's out with it now
The circle-talk around the bush
Has got to end somehow
I speak expired ciphers, I sing in code
And now the roads that go south
Are the only ones I know

What was said was public record
Or hearsay, I never got
The difference between the two
Not like I was within earshot
What was said I know innately
Or never left the witness' throat
The difference doesn't matter, I'm still
Isolated, on my own

This story is told out of order
But I suffer in vain here
When the ending is so near
My plans have changed, my bags are packed
So don't you be surprised
If I never end up coming back

So let's stop being coy, let's out with now
One day, all will be revealed
And I will leave no doubt
Alone I go into the void again
You will find out soon enough
If the pressure makes me break or bend