Missing You

Oh shit
Doing it all
Giving my all
Living every day to the fullest
With thoughts of him on my mind
Hoping I do his memory justice
Honor his existence
Give the love he gave to all
Wholeheartedly
He is a part of me
In all I do
I'll never forget his mom calling me her son
After telling him goodbye
Not for the last time
Till we meet again
When it's my time to cross that bridge
And I'm reunited with my friend
My brother like no other
There will never be another
It was written in the stars that our
Paths would intersect and intertwine
Connected in the heart in the mind
So divine it had to be done by design
I'm a better person just for knowing him
As I'm sure many others are
I look back and see that we've come so far
Still feel like the journey has just begun
I know I'm not the only one
That's feeling his spirit
His presence so prevalent
His love so evident
His story I'll die telling it
Big shoe bigger heart
Lil dude lover of music and art
Bringing people together was his super power
Over giants he would tower
Just by being himself
The most incredible alien
In human form that there ever was
That quite possibly there will ever be
To ever walk this earth
I'd do anything for
Another hug another session
His life and what he gave was a definite blessing
We come together like kinfolk
Keeping his dream afloat
We do all this and even more
Spread our wings and soar
For Mark
For Mark
Big Shoe little dude
For Mark

I could write a million words
And never truly scratch the surface
Of what you mean to me
So much more than so much
I'll never forget your touch
I've never felt anything like I feel you
Deeper than deep
Seven layers doesn't even come close
You touched my soul without even trying
To say I'm ok without you would be lying
On some perpetrator type shit
False as fuck if real is what I'm keeping it
Real is how I should have kept it from the jump
Instead of going out like a punk
In the face of whoever and the most high
Most lie when pressed
Crumble when stressed
I stay humble and blessed
Going with it
The flow the wind the tide
I'm sorry the only place I should have been
Was right by your side
Through thick and thin
Written on my phone or pad and pen
I don't know what I was thinking
I was tripping on some life shit
Up against it and spiraling
Out of control and earthbound
I wasn't ready
I was never properly prepared
In all his rants my Pops
Never really went there
I know it sounds like an excuse
Please believe me it's the truth
That's one hundred
I wish someone would have told me
There's nowhere you can run kid
So much time and energy wasted
I tried to escape when I should've
Stood my ground and faced it
There's no blueprint
So I had to think fast on the fly and do shit
Carry out strategic plans
With basic fundamentals
I wasn't ready but I didn't want to lose you
Still I did and I hate it
I can't take it so I'm forced to fake it
Smile to keep from crying
Inside I'm slowly dying

I can't see straight
Too many tears in the way
So much on my mind
So much to do but not enough time
I'm just treading in the deep end
Trying to keep from sinking
Sometimes I even trip
Off the shit I be thinking
I'm out there where I'm from
I'm just an alien on the run
Far from home
Friends out the wazoo
Still I often feel alone
Its sucks but I'm kind of used to it
Its been like this for longer
Than I care to remember
I'd give her my heart but she'd
Send it back stamped return to sender
Only mid November yet it feels like winter
So many hearts gone cold
Once, like love we were bold
Now we get bucked give up and say fuck it
Like the government we don't trust it
Been played for a fool too many times
I've honestly lost count
Now angst and disgust are
Reaching monumental amounts
I'd need an abacus just to keep up
Somehow I manage to find
The strength to speak up
Even when I'm low
Feeling like I'm less than zero
My moods swing like a pendulum
I'm in need of some good vibes
But ain't nobody sending them
No one ever really knows or
Understands how you're feelin
Even after the revealing
In your head they're not
Why do we suggest walking a mile
In someone else's shoes when most
Wouldn't walk a block
Let's be honest with ourselves first
Quench that inner thirst
Go for self without being selfish
For love and understanding I still wish
Its getting late in the game
This shit seems to remain the same
Situation normal all fucked up
I'm still just another fucking observer
Searching for purpose
Anything to grasp on to and not feel worthless
Cause I'm missing you