Longing for Longing

I took the car out to the shop so they could fix it up
The motor mounts were shot, the engine's shaking all over the bay
I set the traps up in my room, the mice, their deaths can't come too soon
I got a new card to pay off my balance at a lower rate

I got all my ducks lined up so I can take a clear shot
I got everything I need, how do I get everything I want?
Been busy feeding myself just to stay hungry all the time
Just saved up enough energy to send an SOS down the line

It wasn't like this in summers past, the portable AC is in so I can relax
The space heater's back in the attic, I'll see you some winter day
But satisfaction's side effects arrive, that wistful feeling's all but died
Been unfulfilled too long, I've been so preoccupied

Can't even recall the first steps to working on what I had planned
Like falling in love for real or playing guitar in a band
It's like trying to relearn a language after butchering it for years
All I'm left with is longing for longing, my aspirations are in arrears

Been hitting the street, been hitting the pubs, working on my licks and beating the tubs
Lord help me, I want back on my bullshit in the worst of all possible ways
I'm hanging on the straps, I try to make the most but I can't even really seem to osmose
None of this is coming back as easy if it ever really was at all

It's only a matter of time before my fortunes reverse
Wish fulfillment only lasts long enough for a chorus and a verse
Opportunity knocked, I shook its hand but it slipped away
Now the sun is setting, the results are pending
But I know that they won't go my way

The car broke down again in due course, the mice returned in their full force
My new card is overdrawn - meet the new boss, same as the old
Let's put this search back on the shelf, I can self-actualize but can't feed myself
A fool I was to think I was ready for something more

Can't sweat the small stuff, I've been through this cycle before
Who knows when my call up will come again, but until then here's the score
I'm back to the hustle - Who among us is above the grind?
Going right back to longing for longing, going right back to tempering my pride