Uno Reverse

You ever play Uno?
And you put down the reverse card?
And you wish you could do that in real life?

Bam! Uno reverse card
Alright, alright, let me explain the rules here
If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around

Okay, so, one night I was getting pulled over by the po-po
Looked into my rear-view and saw the deputy
He asked if I knew why I was in trouble, sir
I ain't Obi-Wan Kenobi, I ain't got telepathy
He asked if I was drinkin', he started givin' orders
"Say the alphabet backwards" I can't say it forwards!
"Son, you fit the description of a neighborhood prowler
So I'm taking you to jail, have fun in the showers" (nope)

Bam! Uno reverse card
I'm placing you under arrest for the worst charge
Now, I'm taking you to county in your squad car
On the way, I'll do a couple donuts in your front yard
I'ma take your paycheck and buy some fireworks
The illegal kind that they smuggled in from Mexico
Turn the siren on, run some red lights, maybe hit a fruit stand
Sorry, I was textin' bro!

Bam! Uno reverse card
I lost the keys to these cuffs, that's the worst part
If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around
It goes bam! Uno reverse card
I just hit a flower pot in the church yard
If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around

Alright, here's what happened
I was at a job interview at Applebee's
I was so broke, it was probably my worst year
With the manager, she smelled like gasoline
And had an attitude, she said "Why do you wanna work here?"
"I eat cheerios with tap water, I'm so broke
I need money desperately" is what came to my head
"I wanna be on the team, I've always dreamed of
Working at Applebee's so much!" is what I really said
She said "Will you do whatever's required?"
I said "Absolutely," she said "You're hired"

Bam! I hit her with that Uno reverse card
You work for me now, lady, and you're fired
I spent the next couple hours eating spinach artichoke dip
In the back office with my door closed
Then I kicked it with the dishwasher
We slacked off, smashed plates, and we broke a bunch of soup bowls

Bam! Uno reverse card
I'm just livin' man, I don't wanna work hard
If I lay this card down (ay), I can flip any situation around
It goes bam! Uno reverse card
I just coast through life on my surfboard
If I lay this card down (uh-huh), I can flip any situation around

Hi, Mom, I'm finally on TV!
I'm a guest on the Maury Povich Show
Meh, nobody in the audience likes me
Kinda sucks, but they don't know me though
See, my ex is here and she told everybody
I'm the baby daddy and she wants every dollar
So imagine my surprise when
Maury opened up the envelope and said "You are... the father!"

Bam!
I ain't gotta say it, you know what the words are
Sorry, Maury, that kid is yours
Good luck paying that child support (bam!)