The Nice Guy Ballad

Hello, no one is available to take your call
Please leave a message after the tone
You're a fucking bitch Sarah, I swear to God
I'm gonna find you, and
Hey Sarah, I just wanted to say sorry for my last message
I'm just a little angry at the moment, 'cause it's
Y'know, I'm such a nice guy and you seem to only date scumbags
I just wanted to make sure there's no hard feelings between us
Please, please can you unblock me on MSN Messenger?

M'lady
Can you hear me?
Please don't block my number again
Look, I've jumped through all your hoops
We got off on the wrong foot
But I want to prove to you
That I'm not obsessed with sex

Left on seen
Another visit to your Facebook gallery
This time not to masturbate
But instead, to appreciate
Something no man could do as well as I can
Something that shouldn't be for free
Because I'm the only guy for you
And you're the only girl for me

So why won't you
Show me your tits?

That restraining order
Was a bit far
All I did was attach a tracker onto your car
It's not a felony
It's not even a crime
I just wanted to make sure
You weren't seeing any black guys

Who am I kidding?
A girl as pure as you
Would never go for a man like me
Because you are what reality is made of
Even the part that's gritty

So why won't you
Show me your tits?
Consensually
I'm a gentleman, what can I say?
I'm also really mentally stable

I'm gonna kill myself
If you don't go out with me
I mean, it's a stretch
But blood is my dichotomy
I mean, come on
I wrote you a fucking song
I wouldn't have done that if you weren't an attractive woman
Not... not that you're just a woman to me. I mean I'm a really sensitive guy
I can... I can see below the skin

So why won't you
Show me your tits?

This isn't where it ends
We all make our mistakes
And the world will keep on turning
But it turns a lot slower
When you're not around
I'll settle for a picture of your feet