Paranoia

What was lost that I did find
Only reminds me of what I once was
Knowing what I once was
Abused and abandoned
I never had a life to take
Not even no life to make
And to know at such a young age
That it was all thrown away
Snapped my dad's necktie in half
I tried but it wouldn't hold the weight
Five years old did not know it just begun
Many chances to come I decided to wait
People talk of dark times like the sun never fades
They preached about Jesus and the souls he saves
But gave away my own before I knew what to say
Nothing is easy but why should it be anyway

Lost myself tho I see perfectly
The visions so vivid
Never a present time just a beginning
Here's to resisting so much for existing
I know the pain I cause
All the more reason
People talk to loosely of demons
I remember mine no savior gave freedom
My body parts I bleed them
I can barely remember a reason
No one listens to a prophet until they're dead
They lose their mind after nobody believes them
Never seen a ghost because I'm one of a kind
I'm sorry for the shell I put you in
But I hope it's got more room than mine
I'm an asshole you shouldn't pay no mind
If it makes it any better somebody told me things will be fine
Watched the clouds pass through the window
While I'm living my hell
Holding on to lightning nobody answered my prayer
I rose up each time but with the damage still there
But no amount of smoke could drown me

The pain I seek is all around me
Nobody could save me
I wear my crown of thorns
In my barbed wire cocoon
So nobody can hurt me but me
And goddamn how it soothes the cuts deep
Stolen youth knowing no truth but time
Stay sane keep marking the tally lines
Emotions are just like drugs they're so taboo
You're not supposed to have them but you do
Green crumbs and ashes I fall down
Drop the mushrooms in the clouds
Watch this fallout
Pour your heart out
Been apologized to more than a catholic priest
Wanted back after every break
Pussy one thing I can't escape
I'm just dumb high
There's nothing I despise
Cuz I go with the flow
You can either be bold or shy
I read and I really run too
Feelings I've grown numb to
I usually stunt through
Some days I miss one
Other days I land on only jumps
I got the Palma blunt doing jumping jacks
I spit strong as that hashy wax make ya spaz
My flow smoother than water
Mic slay I slaughter
Everyday I give it my best shot
It's really dark the purple on my pot
I bug ya like starch
My journals will sell like yachts
I put these lines in stone ten times or more
My hands in knots
I talk about smoke like I'm pot
Like I'm God
I spit lethal
Run the sim against a worlds deadliest warrior
Battlefield first shot pop your destroyer
Honestly somebody asked me if I was a lawyer
I talk you down from panic paranoia