Whose God Is This?

One, two, three

John started tendin' bar here
Two-hundred-thousand years ago
When this joint first opened
Things were pretty slow
The business picked up quite a bit
The last two thousand years
It's a hell of a way to spend eternity
Slingin' ice-cold beers

The clientele keeps changin'
Some are funny and some are odd
He did a Jäger bomb with Gandhi
Served all the major gods
And they all get along just dandy
Even the lesser ones
And the truth is they're all just lookin'
To have a little bit of fun

Buddha's here on Tuesdays
For the all-you-can-eat buffet
Allah just drinks water
But he tips big, so that's okay
Zeus and Wakan Tanka
Drink Coors and watch ESPN
And they all act just like school boys
When Aphrodite saunters in

Jesus drinks red wine
In a booth with Chiang Kai Shek
Sometimes he gets a little rowdy
And tells 'em all to go to heck
Everybody laughs and Mozart
Plays a Robert Johnson song
But this one asshole God in the corner
Just screams "Freebird" all night long

Whose god is this?
Won't somebody take him home?
Whose god is this?
He's down there all alone
Drunk as hell all by hisself
Sayin' he's the only one that could exist
Whose god is this?

He showed up not long ago
About 1952
All dressed up in some kind of flag
Painted red, white, and blue
Tried to come in with a pistol
But John said no guns allowed
So he just threw his in the dumpster
Said there's more back home anyhow

John asked, "Where you from, my friend?"
He said, "The greatest place on Earth"
And then he started showin' photographs
And talkin' 'bout his net worth
Said he didn't have to pay for nothin'
He made the Black folks work for free
And then he said he jewed down all the Indians
John said, "I think it's time you leave"

Whose god is this?
Won't somebody take him home?
Whose god is this?
He's down there all alone
Drunk as hell all by hisself
Sayin' he's the only one that could exist
Whose god is this?

He said, "I'm here with Jesus"
But Jesus just shook his head "no"
So John walked back behind the bar
And picked up the phone
Called downstairs to Satan
Satan said, "Let me be clear
There's no way in hell that motherfucker's
Gettin' in down here"

John turned around and that god was
Gropin' all the girls
He said, "You can do that kinda thing
When you rule the whole world"
But then he put his hands on Lillith
And just like Muhammad Ali
She knocked that red ball cap right off his head
And dropped him to his knees

And she said, "Whose god is this?
Won't somebody take him home?
Whose god is this?
He's down there all alone
Drunk as hell all by hisself
Sayin' he's the only one that could exist
Whose god is this?"

He picked himself up off the floor
And said, "I wanna talk to your boss"
The gods all laughed and he just yelled
"To hell with all of y'all"
And then he stumbled towards the doorway
That's when they heard him say
"I'm goin' back where they still worship me
In the good ol' USA"