TELEVISED SUICIDE

I saw my homie lose her soul for a fixing
Oblivious to all the pain she inflicting
I told her watch it you don't know what they mixing
I should've known there ain't no point in convincing, she ain't listen
I watched my uncle lose his life for a fixing, now I'm conflicted
Cause that image stuck with me for a minute and she don't get it
Watched his body grow cold
Felt the time moving slow
We end the night back on the road we get the call that he gone
You ain't got shit to lose
You got the whole world to gain
I'm out here pleading in vain, while you're still stuck in your ways
Remember days we used to kick it where my sister would stay
And then you started moving different, shit ain't looking the same
I asked my sister what changed
She told me thai she in pain
But how the fuck she complain?
You know she whipping a range
I know some bitches out here stressing how they bills going to get paid
Mothers turn to pimping they kids to put a cent to they name
Like what you know about a struggle
You out here drowning in puddles
I stood knee deep in that water recount that shit with no trouble
And bitch I'm done being subtle, my legs was weak they ain't buckle
Your state of mind keep me puzzled
With all these problems I juggle I know my vision got tunneled

I was doing it wrong
She like blood to me but she hadn't felt loved in so long
I went back on my word
Family won't ever leave you feel deferred
Fuck all them outsiders, fuck what u heard
If they stepping to you I put them in the dirt
Lay them to rest
Know she got feelings she never expressed
Selfish perspective it's hard to digest
Tried to be present ain't doing my best
Guilt feeling heavy got weight on my chest
Pain in my past that I hadn't addressed
Life moving forward and I ain't progressed
Consumed by the pride that I always possessed
My mental distressed

Why I hurt
At my worst
Lord forgive me cuz I couldn't see her worth
Feeling cursed
On this earth
Why the purest people gotta die of thirst
Called her phone
Leave your message at the tone
Sis' told me just leave it lone
Man we treated that girl like she one of our own
But our Care was too late we could tell that she gone
I feel like we failed you, minute we fell through
Took a backseat living life in your rear view
Felt like I couldn't make a difference
This the final act there ain't no fucking intermission
She in the cycle it's a family tradition
Failure, repetition
Fiending for a fixing
Blind addiction, couldn't resist
We grieve over all of the life that you missed
How the fuck I'm supposed to breathe when you ain't here
All the life you had to live this shit ain't fair
I know I never showed it but I always cared
Now I'm sending prayers that I'll met you there
On them golden stairs while the trumpets blare
With our sins repaired, free of despair
Make our souls richer, paint a perfect picture
Swear I'd end my life if I could live it with you

Let me let y'all know something
Though these may be my last moments here
As the night continues draws near
Understand that the end only yields the pursuit of new beginnings
Televised suicide
It's beautiful ain't it