Time

An all too familiar scene
I'm awake at three in the morning
It's been two years and a lot has changed
I guess that hasn't
I still can't sleep at night
I still get lost inside my head
Desperate to find a way out
I step outside to calm my mind

Is this really what I want for my life?
This is everything I've ever wanted
Feels like misery to me
I should be grateful, I should be happy
But when I look at who I am now
Someone who knows nothing
Acting like they got it all figured out

I look up at the night sky
The void pulls me in
I'm overwhelmed in all the vastness
It's everything, but somehow feels like nothing
I'm nothing
It's all I've ever been
So I ask myself again, what's the purpose?

Is this really what I want for my life?
This is everything I've ever wanted
Feels like misery to me
I should be grateful, I should be happy
But when I look at who I am now
Someone who knows nothing
Acting like they got it all figured out

My anxiety calls out to me
With the desperate calls for nothing
(Am I doing the right thing?)
Am I doing the right thing?
(Am I doing the right thing?)
My depressions calling out to me
With the self-destructive mantra
(Am I doing the right thing?)
Am I doing the right thing?
(Am I doing the right thing?)

I take a deep breath
Try to let my thoughts subside
I'm doing everything I can to keep myself alive
Take another deep breath
Look at the night sky
Maybe it's dark, but in a few more hours the sun will rise
My breathing's normal now
My lungs can rest
Things will get better in time, I just need to let time pass
I collect myself
At least for now
And I decide inside myself to wait it out