journal

I know it's fake but every day you visit me in my sleep
I can think of a million ways I've pictured you in my dreams
It's like I'm living twice a week
You've got this hold on me

I try to stay but even the light of the sun can't keep me asleep
The vision of you just fades from my view
And I can barely tell what's real anymore
So, I leave my journal in the drawer

I know it's real when I cannot hear anything when you're with me
It's insincere but I am just listening to the way you speak
Your voice could talk me to sleep
I'd play your voice on repeat

I would take you everywhere if your hand was in my reach
I don't care 'cause anyone would say the same if they could see
They fit so perfectly
Just like a puzzle piece

You say I love you
And I know that it's not real
But still, I wish it was true
But I know how you really feel

And that's why I can't tell you
All that you put me through
And so, I took my journal
And I wrote a song or two

Every day, when I am awake
And I see your face, that dream will replay
Just what would it take to throw it away?
This feeling of pain that always remains
I don't want to play
Take me out of this game
What do I have to do?
What do I have to say?
I don't wanna sing
I don't wanna play
I don't like this song
Don't know what to say

The tears that are stained on my pillowcase
The songs that I write that all sound the same
The warning for floods, the smell of the rain
The light of the stars, the sounds of the planes
If I could explain, it'd drive me insane
How all of these things relate you to me
I called this song journal, chose after your name
I can't share the meaning
Oh, it's such a shame

You say I love you
And I know that it's not real
But still, I wish it was true
But I know how you really feel

And so, I just won't tell you
All that you put me through
Instead, I'll take this journal
And write this song for you