If

It's tricky j
And music is my medicine, but let me tell you something... just listen

Yeah, I'm hurt, in pain I'm broken, and I feel so numb
These words, I write, and speak just tryna act like I'm tough
Feel my feelings in this beat, I wonder if it's strong enough
I write to fight everyday bcoz really, I don't wanna give up
Both my hands are shaking as I scribble words onto this beat
I'm nowhere near faking, my thoughts are bottled inside me
And my emotions I feel, wish I didn't have to feel any of these
Stone cold, frozen, I've lost hope, and I'm down on my knees
Wrists were bleeding but I finally put down the knife I cut with
The sharpness of the blade blunt out, it finally done no damage
The pain in my arms ain't as strong as my anger punching fists
I guess, I do a better job at expressing myself through these lyrics
But beneath this black cloud it's still stormy with voices in my head
Wake for a better tomorrow, but it's not, another day I'm depressed
I'm just tryna change these negative thoughts to positivity instead
But suicide is on my mind I just wanna fight, and make it to the end

Tears fill my eyes
Don't be surprised
If I end up dying
If I give up fighting
Drowned by the silence
Can you hear me crying?
Don't be surprised
If I give up fighting tonight

Been beaten, abused, I'm bruised, but I'm still here fighting
I feel weak, defeated, and used, but my desire is to keep writing
A prisoner in my own mind, trapped it's the only way, I can describe it
Feeling angry all the time, I snap, furious, I'm not even gonna deny this
Now, can feel myself trembling, heart racing as I write this next verse
I'm overthinking, thinking, if I kill myself, it might just end all my hurt
Don't wanna feel a thing, I'm serious, can you just listen to these words
I'm dead in thought it's deafening, but it's voices that bring out the worst
When I'm alone, and I'm depressed, and I feel that sharp pain in my chest
Through skin to bone it aches, another migraine again from all the stress
I'm on my own, and I feel so tense, turn out the lights, I need the darkness
Coz I'm so low, I don't feel blessed, so, what's the point? I got no purpose
No real motivation to keep me going, if I die now, know I'll never succeed
Tear are flowing, see that I ain't coping, no hope, I've lost my will to believe
Gotta change my thoughts before it's too late, or my time might just freeze
I swear that I am seeing demons or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me

Tears fill my eyes
Don't be surprised
If I end up dying
If I give up fighting
Drowned by the silence
Can you hear me crying?
Don't be surprised
If I give up fighting tonight