Content in my Numbness

Substance abuse just to fall in love
So I don't feel like I'm wasting your time
All of those nights spent staying up late
Now I'm just drifting away
And why did I waste my time on you
I needed the comfort for a few
It might've been selfish narrow minded and hurtful
But I just couldn't live through
All those nights spent high, cross faded
Drifting into the abyss

So you get to that point for the first time.
The unending emptiness of nothing but the heaviness in your chest
To where you feel like you're going to be sick
You text those you feel are close to you but in the end
There's no response
You spend all the money you've been saving on whatever you can
Blow booze bud pills and whatever you can get close with
You wake up the next morning for school realizing
The breath is still there
But so is everything else
Everyday following for two fucking years
You rely on everything to make you feel whole again
To make you feel safe To feel ok
You blow all the money you have saved to continue feeling ok
You realize internally you're as fucked
As the fresh scars left on your thighs
That will still open in the wrong movement
Ruining your brand new clothes with all those red stains
But you can't care anymore
All you can care about is not feeling empty
Until one day you wake up sober For the first time in weeks
With an empty baggy and an empty wallet
All you have left is that mirror you look in
The only face that's been able to stick with you
It stuck with you through everything
For yourself there is no till death do us part
For it'll be there till death and whatever lies beyond