When Insomnia, Do As the Somniacs Do

Of sculptures, where cracks form where there were none before
Of painstaking detail wrecked by pressure, where I focus on the flaws
And I don't mean to stare, but it's all I see. Is that how I'm seen?

Of midnight hours striking heart through pen to page
Of exhaustion creeping in and to common sense laying waste
And like the one that got away but who can't remember my name
As an old friend who sits too far away on the train
Rest avoids my gaze and passes me by again

This isn't disaffection, I'm just finding my feet
My best doesn't cut it but what do you expect from me?
If I don't know who I am, how can I have someone I want to be?
I rack my brain for answers, I panic, I lose sleep

In 10 years' time, where will you be?
How much will be left of the familiar scenery?
In 10 days' time, where will you be?

"Leave me alone," I say in my times of need
"I can't do this on my own," is what I really mean
"Let me do this on my own," is all you hear from me
My temples throb, I'm still awake, it overwhelms me

Whispers carried on an autumn breeze
Like autumn leaves, the ones I love fall away from me
I'm losing dreams, it all shifts to somewhere that I can't reach
Wisterias wilted with wistful wishes underneath
Tragic and I bleed
Call me Op. 13 "Pathétique"
I've got it on repeat to help me sleep

With God as witness, I try my best to keep my weaknesses inside
With God as witness, I try my best to keep my weaknesses inside
But what use is a witness who won't testify?

My ceiling fan pirouettes robotic at a constant speed
Posters all around my room of people who inspire me
They remind me more than ever how they all succeed
And I'm still me
At the time of writing, it's 4:16AM. Again
In 10 days' time, this is where you'll find me again, again, ah

Of knuckles brushing woodwork, splinters seeding in the skin
Of all attempts to extract them exercises in pushing in
And I don't mean to pick, but they don't belong

I don't belong