20k Seconds

I wake up half asleep
'Cause half of me is stuck in a dream
Half alive I'm not committed to this life that I live
I live a double life to act like all the heroes I've seen
To be the Superman to all my little cousins I bleed
The same colour crimson crystallised to honour my feels
I feel I'm down and out
My luck is sort of running in circles
I go a hunnid 80 every time I drive to the Cape
Tryna be your knight in shining armour knowing I'm late
I always speak in sombre tones to carry off my soliloquies
But I'm sick of stunting
Start to think it's stunting my growth
I'm half the man my father was I guess it's part of my toll
Tryna live up to a ghost has started hurting my soul
I should've cried a thousand tears
But I should live off my own
Wealth and gain my own respect I need to suffer alone
To understand exactly where I'm at and where I should go
You never know what you is missing 'til it ain't in your home
And from the bottom of my heart I knew that something was missing
I tried to fill it with some substances and empty excuses
I need to make some new apologies to people like you
I know how much all that pressure weigh yet put it on you
And if you're listening just promise that you'll sing about me
When all the lights begin to fade to black into a new chapter
Just know I'm thinking about you every time I look to the stage
'Cause I'm a product of my habits turning peace into rage

I'm a product of my habits
Turning peace into rage

I'm sort of lost and found
Lost within an empty space
My ego got me thinking shit was cool
But I'm sorta stressed
Really thought I had my life all figured out
There's nothing left
Met another shawty, when I tell you I think she's one
I really fucking mean it with a grain of salt
I'll tell you why
Mesmerising features but I never got to see her once
Since the last time I asked her if she really was the one
Live a drive away from her but she ain't never got the time
Shadow started creeping tryna tell me
She ain't worth the time
20 000 seconds just to hear her ask for borrowed time
I ain't even got it cause I'm working off this loan of mine
Father Time has given me too much I need to ask for yours
Maybe I should really call
But every time it goes to mail
I lose my sense and pride for you
My love has gone conditional
Travelled these kilometres but you won't even move an inch
Sick of writing songs for you
And putting all my heart into these poems for you
I need to understand if you still love me too
(You still love me too?)
True
Cause I got issues of my own that I've been fighting all week
And shit has gotten to the point my demons want me to breathe
'Cause I've been holding off on every word I needed to scream
I'm frustrated but with you were the calm in the storm
The way you smile is all I think about whenever I miss you
Within a crowd of people we could never talk like were strangers
Different audience, a calmer beast was not who I'd be
I've travelled odder seas of destinies I've yet to complete
A different Odyssey, Odysseus attest to the feels
She could promise me the world
I'd still prefer to go home