The Dugout

You asked me, "What time today?"
And I had to cancel again
I'm trying so hard to please you, but I feel my soul giving in
And I haven't left my bed today
Well that's not true, I have
I crawled to the bathroom, I know I'll faint if I stand
I need help to stand, right now

Bodily Autonomy, who is she? We need to meet
Believe me I've tried pleading, with every deity
You see my good days, I hide my bad days
That's what's expected of me
We don't like what's challenging without remedy
There's no remedy for me

And I said my goodbyes to find I still had a life
And it's a blessing that comes with a price
And now I'm terrified because I just wrote a line about fate and time

Time moves much quicker when budgeting your speed
The days seem longer, when it's all you can do to breathe
You say you're so accommodating but how can I hold my head high?
When I'm in the dugout and the mud's up to my eyes

I wish you could have seen me before my hands started trembling
I blended better at dinner parties when I could eat anything
And I appreciate the effort, but you're still not cooking that right
Do you understand the consequence of that kind of mistake in my life?

I know you're trying hard to please me
Just listen I'll tell you what I need
I've gotten good at explaining all my inequities
I just need empathy, don't only pray for me
That won't help my immediate grief
The diagnoses is chronic and that can make it harder to dream

Time moves much quicker when budgeting your speed
The days seem longer, when it's all you can do to breathe
You say you're so accommodating but how can I hold my head high?
When I'm in the dugout and the mud's up to my eyes

If I'm assertive that's fine if it helps me survive
Please don't take it personally
This is not out of spite, I'm just living my life
Please, believe me

That time moves much quicker when budgeting your speed
The days seem longer, when it's all you can do to breathe
You say you're so accommodating but how can I hold my head high?
When I'm in the dugout and the mud's up to my eyes



Credits
Writer(s): Halle Dean
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

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