The Wonderful World of Bones McCool

Hey I'm Bones
I'm Bones McCool
Listen

I'm about to tell you the story of my life
Start to finish
The whole truth
The truth
The nothing but the truth
I can't believe it's not the truth
I'm Bones McCool

Now listen here
I've got my saxophone
But it's broken right now from the last thing that happened to me
Which we'll find out about at the end of the story
So I can't play you any saxophone tunes, here
But I'm gonna tell you my whole life story
The wonderful world of Bones McCool

Alright, [incoherent] the microphone arghh
Alrighty
There we go, alright
Bones McCool's having a seat, okay

Our story begins with Bones McCool being born
No one knows where or to whom I was born
But I was born up in the mountains to a woman named Janet
Now, Janet, she sold me right away, to the navy
And there's where I learned the saxophone, out on the navy piers

Then I moved to the Industrial Science Museum for the Wickedhearted when I was 24
And that's where I worked for about two years
And that's where I met someone who I'll never forget
A man of great importance
A man who would change the course of history forever
A man who needed to be reformed but for whom there was nothing I could do
A man who would kill the most powerful, kind, and generous monarch that has ever roamed the planet
Excuse me a minute, I'm lighting my smoke

His name
Was Heebie Jeeber

Now Heebie Jeeber was not your typical assassin, you see
Heebie Jeeber was
Well, everybody thought at first he was a very kind, benevolent man
But he did something
Something ain't nobody ever got to be able to forgive him for and be able [incoherent]

And after the Silver and Gold King met his untimely demise in a mountain climbing accident
Bones McCool went down to the Tungsten Village
Where he knew the Tungsten King reigned
This Tungsten King had been king for about two years
And he was one of the kindest men old Bones McCool had ever met
He said, Bones, I got a job for you
And I'm Bones, and I said, Yeah, what's up Tungsten King
He said, I hereby make you my royal saxophonist
And that's where I played
I played in the courtroom
In the throne room
In the court of the Tungsten King

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