Dead and Alive (Alternate Version)

I feel like I'm falling, I don't know what to do
Cause when I say I'm balling, I ain't shooting no hoops
And you say that you're calling but it ain't coming through
Cause I'm just a problem when my issues come to you
You say what you like and you like what you say
You give me advice just to make me go away
You're trying to be nice but I know that it's fake
And you know it's not right but you do it anyway
At the end of the day, you don't care about me
I don't care what you say, I ain't sharing my feels
Won't waste my breath on the air I breathe
Cause my death wouldn't bring you tears to weep
That's the sad thing when it comes to me and you
You put up this front but I'm seeing right through
I wonder what it's really like to feel like you
Cause you can't see me hurt or the bleeding I do
Got my head in the pillow and these thoughts in my brain
Ain't looking at a window cause you can't see the pain
You could've been my hero if you listened, just saying
No respect for you, zero, you don't need to explain
I was just another thing you didn't want to deal with
Looked the other way when I said I was in pieces
You did want to help, you but you had no ideas
Just how to help, so the distance you were seeking
We'd still talk if you just said I'm wrong
But now our bond is dead and gone
And it's likely how you dislike me now
You despise me now, where'd you get that from
Don't call my phone
If you do, leave a message after the tone
You won't hear from me again cause I'd rather be alone
I don't need your help, I'll survive on my own

I spent two whole years inside my mind
I fought all my demons and survived
Had nobody right there by my side
How can you feel dead but feel alive

A whole two years I was praying for help
And the whole two years I was saving myself
I mean physically and mentally I was unwell
Taking drugs every week messing up my health
Out in the club with my so called friends
I was out for the drugs 'cause I saw no end
My friends tried to run, I don't know all them
They left me in the mud, Imma show all them
Every single person who I had at my side
Just left, so I had no one there when I cried
At home, all alone on my own every night
Ring your phone but you're going to just say you got no time
Walking around with a cloud on my head
That's why I love the rain when I hear it in my bed
I learned to live with darkness, my mind is way ahead
'Cause I learned to live life while feeling like I'm dead
Always feel depressed, like a lot, it ain't fun
Playing Russian roulette with six shots in my gun
You're my friend? Not the best, no you're not, not the one
Don't pretend, I'm stressed, I don't got nowhere to run
Nobody knows what I've been through
Did it all alone and continued
You never know what life might bring you
You gotta find that fight right within you
Then I found people who really showed love
If it wasn't for them then I'd be flying up above
It was just before the point where I thought I had enough
They'll remove all your pain if they want it bad enough
So to all the people who left me on the ground
You left when I was down but I'm standing right now
And to all my friends who never broke apart
I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart

I spent two whole years inside my mind
I fought all my demons and survived
Had nobody right there by my side
How can you feel dead but feel alive
Survive
Survive
Survive
Survive