standstill

Day to day
Catch a break
Stalemate
It feels like I'm falling behind

Can't turn my effort
Into a dollar
My time is wasted
All 10,000 hours

Write down my problems
That doesn't solve em
Curse my ambitions
Why even have em

The takeaway, the lesson
Is to never be an optimist
If there's a chance that you are gonna
End up disappointed

The definition of insanity is repeating previous actions
While expecting something different
To happen

I'm always at a
Standstill for so long
Before I even
Get help, right wrongs
It's all the same
Protecting others' mental health
When I don't even like myself
It's time to put an end to the charade

Last night, the devil in the corner of my room
He whispered in my ear
That I suck, should give up
Ain't no way that I'm enough
For your time
But I don't mind
'Cause I hate falling in love
Anyway

If I'm overthinking everything I do
Then maybe it's a sign I shouldn't be
Messing 'round with paper hearts
If in the end we're torn apart
So stop before you start with me

I'm sorry I gotta

Standstill for so long
Before I even
Get help, right wrongs
It's all the same
Protecting others' mental health
When I don't even like myself
It's time to put an end to the charade
I can't stand still

Guilty conscience tails behind and brings comeuppance like a demon
Is it karmic retribution or what I was taught I should believe in
That the good get paid in wishes so I must be messed up in the head
For putting years of my life into pointless habits
And I'll starve myself to death

And my tendency to hyperfixate if given a modicum of attention
Too much to work on, too much to process
Yet overstimulation remains one of my vices
Volume up, never take my eye off devices
Make a choice, but I cannot limit options
Can't afford to be indecisive in a crisis

Isn't it late to pull through
All my mistakes I can't undo
Guess it's better to say it out loud
Instead of writing apologies long overdue

I know I'm good for something but you make me feel like an impostor
I still got so much more to say, but I'll save it for later

It's day to day
I can't catch a break
Always stalemate
It feels like I'm falling behind

'Cause I

Standstill for so long
Before I even
Get help, right wrongs
It's all the same
Protecting others' mental health
When I don't even like myself
It's time to put an end to the charade
I can't stand still, oh

(How long can I hold)
(Onto nothing but hope)
(At least I'm not alone)

('Cause I've got all of you)
(To turn black skies to blue)
(And when I fall you help me up and carry me through)