Lost

I always shied away from checking my maturity
Cos I was blind to all of my own insecurity
The system where I found myself existing growing in
Was nothing more than just reflections of a bigger sin

I wasn't trying to be awkward I wasn't meaning that
Defensive mechanisms, unintended impacts
On others just like me trying to find their way or path
Inside a fragile beauty, oblivious to the aftermath

Lost count of all the times when selfishly I pushed away
Lost count of all the times with head in sand, resisted play
Lost count of all the tears that flowed across this river bed
Lost count of mind crimes, still locked somewhere inside my head

Lost count of people getting judged upon this moral rack
Lost count of all the times I thought I needed my friends back
Lost count of all the lights than shone upon this mounting strife
Lost count of every little thing that summed into my life

It isn't easy to see when the sun's gone in
It isn't easy to hear when you can't look within
Recalling places in your life that you went to
And realising there are too many you never will

I can reflect on golden moments now
They sting my thoughts when I remember how
A narrow minded focus, closed mind walked on trodden paths
A harrowing reminder of oblivion to the aftermath

Lost out on learning too young too soon it was in my hands
Lost souls I met along the way shoulder to shoulder stand
Lost count of all the celebrations fuelled on poison played
Lost count of times I tried too hard when I was just afraid

Lost times are what I'm now remembering as I'm sinking down
Lost times of happiness all wasted now I seek to drown
Lost count of crimes and misdemeanours on our way
Stopped counting, stopped counting, stopped counting the days

So when you're trying to find the answer you should look within
Don't dwell upon the places in your heart
Where you have never been
Let all the noise out watch it flow across the river bed
Stop hurting, learn to love instead

And if you ever find yourself dissolving in the scene
Don't dwell upon the places in your heart
That you have never even seen
Just be happy they're out there
It can hurt when you're not there

Lost ground on the courageous, vulnerable with confidence
Lost count of how many missed chances as a consequence
Lost are you souls that came before
I hope you're shining now (I know you are!)
Lost ground, Lost count, Lost souls, I've been lost