Eternal (Stream of Consciousness)

There's a hole in the earth in the spot where you stood
When you left and I couldn't figure out if you were ever coming back
It took me so long to realize that this wasn't
Temporary

There's a hole in me permanently that grew bigger every day
Until I could finally understand
And accept that you weren't coming back
That hole is still there
But I'm trying to make it smaller
I still feel so small and consumed by it
I don't have much room to spare
Some days I am merely a shell eaten away by all of my trauma

Mourning is eternal
Mourning is eternal
Some days I am healed
Some days it's just as hard as the first
I still feel empty sometimes
I still feel empty a lot of the time
I think about what you might think of me now
Would you like how I turned out?
Would you be proud?
They always said I took after you
Same eyes, same nose, prone to freckling and sunburns
I wonder if I'll make it to 50 or take after you that way, too

I'm working on trying to feel something more than regret
Guilt, constant
I'm working on trying to feel something more than regret
Guilt, constant
It's taken me years to write these words down
And say them out loud like this
I'm trying not to be so scared to say them

I hope it will make your memory last
Maybe this too will burn eternal
I hope it will make your memory last
Maybe this too will burn eternal
I hope it will make your memory last
Maybe this too will burn eternal

Maybe this too will burn eternal