The Worst Pies in London

A customer!
Wait! What's your rush, what's your hurry?
You gave me such a
Fright, I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can't you sit
Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
Ugh! What is that? But you'd think we had the plague
From the way that people keep avoidin', no, you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir
But there's no one comes in even to inhale
Right you're, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know, I made them
But good? No
The worst pies in London
Even that's polite
The worst pies in London

If you doubt it take a bite

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it
It's nothing, but crusting
Here drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is, when you get it
Never thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Finding poor animals
Wot are dying in the street

Mrs Mooney has a pie shop
Does a business, but I notice something weird
Lately, all her neighbors cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
What I calls enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick

No denying, time's hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like, well, pity
A woman alone with limited wind
And the worst pies in London

Oh, sir
Time's hard
Time's hard