In My Head

I lived on dread; to those who know
The stimulus there is
In danger, other impetus
Is numb and vital-less.

As 't were a spur upon the soul,
A fear will urge it where
To go without the spectre's aid
Were challenging despair

In my head
I thought by 21, I'd be dead
Dragged through the flames, looking straight ahead
Eyes wide open, filled with fucking dread

In my head
I'm in the fifteenth layer of hell
Trapped at the apex of your stairwell
I keep screaming, you could never tell

I'm so fucking sick of myself!
Is there no remedy, no magic spell?
It's just fear, fear, fear, around every little bend

I'm exhausted all the time
Trying to make enough to just live a life
I have one now, but it's not mine
It's not the one I'd like

In my dreams
I still wake up in your bed
With a heart and a severed head
They're not mine - so where did I get them?

In my dreams
I scrubbed the walls with peroxide
Told you I'm fine, well I lied
Never gave anyone my heart, so where did you find mine?

I'm so fucking sick of my life!
Staring at the knife sticking out of my side
Pull it out, give the guys a smile
With my sad boy eyes

And I got such a big cross to bear
Tell me that you've got me, but you're never there
Just like every other man, who promised
But didn't really care