Loss of Time

Trapped in my mind all the damn time, I
Think about the dreams I'm trying achieve, on a timer
Every second passing by is another second less in a life
I think that's obvious, but it's why I'm always stressed with time
There's a fine line between relaxation, procrastination
I hate seeing my phone screen time, seeing hours wasted
Some may say everything I do's a waste of time
Fuck am I writing rhymes? Fuck am I writing scripts
Editing vids and pics? Think people giving a shit
I don't know, but fuck it, man, my passions lasts in these crafts
Working like it's my job, but I always get nothing back
Trust me, I know them eyerolls when I say that I rap
I prefer to stay silent and just show them my tracks
Even if they don't like it, at least they hearing the heart
Knowing that I'm improving and actually trying to go far
I'm telling myself that one day that this shit gon work out
I be driving home from work, ready to throw in the towel
Is it normal at all to cry while driving home alone
Radio blasting, emotions growing
Is that depression showing
Second guessing motions of life
Am I really doing it right
Wipe the tears out my eyes
I'm truly happy with life, but feeling saddest inside
My Saturdays are divided to smiling and crying
Don't even fight it, I sit down, typing these rhymes and
Hoping my mind eases when my fingers
Releases each of these pieces

Heart freezes when the evening hits
Can't sleep cause I am in my head
Keep on feeling the fears and dread
Leave for one second and mind's begging
To get back in the room,
Hit the sack and hit snooze
Hating the fact I lose
It's the routine for me that don't let me dream at all really peacefully
Work away, sleep, and in between, a couple little happy things
Rap is like half of me
Can't reset to factory
So I'm stuck with these memories
Even the ones that fuck with me
Huffing, puffing does nothing
Chugging, wake up disgusting
Alcohol, no discussion, down em all til I'm rushing
To the toilet, it's pointless, I'm flushing
All the coins that I spent on these fucking bottles
Of pink moscato, McDonald's
Life be coasting like Cyclone
Ups and downs, but it's shaky
Open now, but it's aging
One more bad day to break me
Relationships dissipating
Acquaintances turned to pen pals
Lives fly by like they freight trains
Different paths that take we now
Look to my side, I'll wave
We changed lanes for a while now
Current state I'm in, I'm mixed
Really sucks to feel this
Hope this changes with time, maybe couple rhymes
I keep myself all the time, all occupied
Cause even in the light, man that dark could rise
Even a heart of gold could fucking turn to wine
If you ever let your mind ever lose to time