I apologise but NOT really

Up to the heavens departures easy Jet
Wonder when I'm gone if they'll Ever ask when they'll see me next
Cut from the blade who's gonna Clean the mess
Bed covers covered in stains Coloured a peachy red
Murder obsession it's not from PMS
Maybe ASD but the a should be Inbetween the S
Questioned my presence it's not For me but them
I have a guilty conscience that's Telling me not to leave again but

I know that they never would do the same for me
Know that I have changed but These people ain't gonna change For me
They ain't raising that gun and Taking that aim for me
Shooting all this shit in my brain And causing that pain for me
And I got these bullets lodged up In my chest
She has the cheek to lay up on it While she leaves me here for dead
She really watched the barrel spin And saw my soul rip as it teared
So I told her that au revoir and she Told me excuse your French

Je ne sais pas you see my palm it Started bleeding
Lost my spiritually ain't nothing to Believe in
Like Jesus on the cross I take a loss For winning heavens cause the Christian's in my life have been disguised they're really demons
Thought I was dreaming but my night turned to a nightmare
I smoke a toke of weed and take a flight and then I hide there
Cause maybe if I leave I'll live I life That change my mind set
Investing in vacation houses like I Bid a time share
So why do I dare to struggle when There's worse things
There's people living shit lives and Here I hear the birds sing
The songs that they are chirping Aren't really meant for me yes to You they might not be peak but to Me they're really disturbing

So I apologise for thinking of the worst things
Yes I apologise you really had me hurting
But I'm not sorry cause it's better I'm deserving
The only thing I'm sorry for is Being the bigger person

Thought she was a mermaid but Really she was a siren
Lead me into waters I'm drowning Like I'm a pirate
She told me ride the wave now She's causing a ship wreck
It's rip reckz as she watches me die in silence
But I'm a fighter there ain't no rest For the wicked
Her friends always policing me Cause they guess that I did it
They thought she was hero but Honestly she's a villain
And the sooner that they're done is The sooner that I'll be finished

No more proving myself it's only Choosing myself I'll put my energy In choosing my wealth
The growing stacks that fill the piggy bank under my shelf because I work hard and gard I'm doing it well
I'm due for the bell the one that means to open door
I'm opening doors to pools and Whores and whips no corsa
Enemies will turn in to friends I'm Dipping of course a
Don't you come and try to act like It's different of course

I'm doing good so now they want
What I'm giving of course
I'm not giving it to you or you
I'll keep my bens while you stay in Your two by two
No making amends they know my Name but who are you?
A team of excellence while you Stay in your loser crew
You should've kept your eyes open Cause when you snooze you lose And when your finally awake your Feeling too confused
You miss a lot of commotion when that's the move you chose
I'm always staying wide awake
I'm on a different route
I've been different but now they Wanna be different too

The bum lickers are bum niggas
Never been surrounded by bum bitches
If they're bums I'm raising my gun bitches
They try to take me down but I stay at number one bitches
I cannot stress enough I don't just do this for fun bitches
For most id say im trash but yes I'm loyal to some bitches
Unless I fall in love don't be expecting no hugs bitches
So please keep your distance most Times relationships entertainment
But don't act like I'm wrong
I'm still young although I am aging
I'm focused on myself and my Wealth during these stages
You might think that I'm evil but these steps gotta be taken

I won't apologise for wanting to be famous
Cause I want everyone to know just what my name is
My life is difficult it almost made me aimless
So I need you all to listen cause the pain is where the gain is