Hard To Do

I don't think I properly introduced myself
My name is Jayeman
And I'm here today, to share with all of you
What I believe is the hardest to do
Now its subjective
But just listen

Battlin' my thoughts while I'm slayin' this depression
Gettin' schooled on life but I never learned a lesson
The message never set in
Now my setting is in wreckage
The story of my life is anything but a blessin'
But I'm makin' a statement so listen so closely
I'm not Ghostly Mostly but I can mostly ghostly
And I know mostly ghost me but that's not a problem
If I had a problem with this shit
I would make an album
I drop it on'em till they drownin'
Birthin' a king and now he's crowin'
His dynasty and now they bowin'
But I'm just asleep and this mind is crowded
Cause with all the shit that I'm dealin' with
It's so hard to understand
The fuck is it so hard to be a man
I pay the dues, I pay the rent, I pay the bitch who won't give a cent
Trynna express my intent, but you know this bitch ain't havin' it
So that's how I got evicted and that's how I hit this damn bitch
Of course she's on my trampoline
Bouncin' on my damn dick
Like it's a damn pogo stick, she's strokin' it
She's chokin' it, damn near evokin' it
But ya still haven't awoken it
Like a sleepin' dragon, still haven't awoken the beast
And when I'm awaken get to prayin'
I'm done with the fakeness, done with the waitin'
Done with the faceless, done with the hatin'
Patience is fadin', this life is a matrix
Plannin' to make it, numbers are tracin'
My mind is so vacant, might I be brainless
Must I be a zombie walkin', this brain is dead but head is bobbin'
Thoughts are racin' super sonic
Cutting across, straight demonic
Watchin' the time but live in the moment
Ain't suicide if you just jokin'
Burnt out on life but you keep smokin'
Rockin' ya boat but you keep rowin'

It got holes in it or something like that
It's fillin' in from the outside in
It's weighin' that boat down
But you can't let that shit from the outside get inside

Downin' in addiction and I'm still trynna be clean
This crown has got a victim and it just so happens to be me
Riddin' myself of these genes, it's a long long legacy
Riddin' myself off like a sheep, I lost longevity
Don't want my family by my casket
Sayin' yeah remember me
I know I'm everlastin' when I'm crackin' a joke and hacklin'
Actin' like the matter I'm tacklin' isn't happenin'
I was the baddest kid at askin' shit
My pride immaculate
Spoilin' myself from smackin' it
And this point I rappin'
Grabbin' the pad and pen
Attackin' it, unwrap the gift
Drop the H.I.T. and mockin' it
Then beginning to split, the feeling's lit
Shit adopted me like a bastard kid, a fatherless, anonymous
My bottomless pit is the darkest shit I'm fallin' in
And there I sit wide eyed, open to my real lies
Wish I didn't have to realize all the pain I'm goin' through
Wish I didn't have to realize what is really hard to do
Make ya life better for your family, yourself, and you
While you're sittin' there, contemplatin' what you should truly do
When ya life is on the move like a movie shoot
Gettin' switched and played with like ya ass a Rubik's cube
While gettin' lit and faded but this life is endin' soon
Tryin' to live to bite the bullet but ya can barely chew
Trynna find the dire fire inside to light ya higher
But this evil voice inside of ya is screamin' liar
It's hard to do, life never gave us an easy task
But got two hands just to whip it's ass
And in case anyone asks, I've been through all this shit
And still findin' breath to gasp, despite life bein' a bitch

My name's Jayeman
And this was not hard to do