Self Portrait

I'm an enneagram number three
But I think that's just because I'm trying to people please
I don't know how to write without being the bad guy
Always hoping for redemption but never for me

And my friends say I'm too harsh on me
I always overthink everything
And my therapist says my personality lends itself to anxiety
I know I'll never get out of this loop
Of self-deprecation
Lay myself open through a line some sick meditation
And I wish I could paint like Frida did
Because maybe then I could give you a self portrait
Worth more than just some words I sing

Two years stuck in home alone
And I still don't really know
Who I am underneath all this
I'm too impatient to find out
And what if after all the trying and doubt
I don't like who she is

And my friends say I'm too harsh on me
I always overthink everything
And my therapist says my personality lends itself to anxiety
I know I'll never get out of this loop
Of self-deprecation
Lay myself open through a line some sick meditation
And I wish I could paint like Vincent did
Because maybe then I could give you a self portrait
Worth more than just some words I sing

I feel like everything I do is just for show
It's like I don't even know
How to be without your eyes on me
I know I'm just 23 but I hate to admit
That lockdown was the only time I found peace
I want to paint me by numbers and figure all this out
Give you a self portrait not tainted by the colours of self doubt

And my friends say I'm too harsh on me
I always overthink everything
And my therapist says my personality lends itself to anxiety
I know I'll never get out of this loop
Of self-deprecation
Lay myself open through a line some sick meditation
And I wish I could paint like Frida did
Because maybe then I could give you a self portrait
Worth more than just some words I sing