Vile

Do you ever get lost in your negative thoughts
Wonder where they came from
Or what was the cause
Do you dwell upon mistakes
Succumb to the rot
By walking old avenues that you overshot

Well me
I
Shut my eyes and clench my fists
Before I slam my head against the wall to face the abyss
And all I see is red
Outlined in vengeful glints
To watch the mirror shatter
And the prism shift
Before it splits my head into a million pieces
And I spiral and spin
Here it comes again
Cataclysm looming within
Myself
I scream
And then
Descent
Pulled in two directions
Decay or repent
And my mindset
I deserve the torment
For every attempt
At any kind of progress
That augments with failure
And how it presents
My only options
Pain or death

It's vile
To be eaten alive by the drive of the cycle
Composed of compulsion
And vicious denial
I look for the line between obsession and trial
But all I find is it's justified
In the moment to lay down my life
To say my goodbyes
But It's not hard to surmise
I
Am a willing sacrifice
To failed endeavors
That haunt me forever
And taunt me
They want me to sever
The correlation with pressure
My god
Am I the cause and confessor
Tell me it's for naught
That I should stop
That I'll never have another shot
Although I believe in reflection
Calculation determines discretion
Final decisions that lead to convictions
On what I should do with ambition
Another page
From the book of detrition
I look closely at the composition
I guess it's always been there
The answer obscured
Hidden by the definition
To cure an affliction requires contrition
And the resolve to accept what is written