This Is Why I'm Single

All day, every day
People always ask me why I'm single
Alright, alright, here's the deal
(Woo!)

I don't got good luck with the women, man
I pull up in my grandma's minivan (hey)
No hubcaps, one mirror
Duct tape through-out the interior
Wheels falling off like a grocery cart
Headlights broke, so it's always dark
Oh, I thought you said it was a push-to-start
Yeah, you gotta get out and push to start!
You might have to pay when I wine and dine
'Cause my credit card's probably gonna get declined (my bad)

I use my sock as a napkin
When I tell a joke, I'm the only one laughing
I'm just an awkward dude
I stand too close when I talk to you
And when the waiter says, "Sir, enjoy your food"
I say,"Thanks a lot, you too!"

All day, every day
People always ask me why I'm single
This is why I'm single
I love it, but I hate it
It's the worsttest and the greatest when you're single
This is why I'm single

I wake up and it's time for lunch
A little Kool-Aid and some Cap'n Crunch
I got no new matches
I don't know why
Honestly, I'm a really likeable guy
I got low ambition

Afraid of commitment
I never listen
My mind is driftin'
My cat went missin'
Turns out he was in my kitchen
Underneath the pile of dishes (oh, there you are)
My bedroom doesn't have much décor
There's a sheet hangin' up where there should be a door
I got a warn-out mattress on a hardwood floor
Every morning I wake up, and my back is sore (damn)

My Tinder profile is not a flex
My main picture is of me and my ex
But hey, being single is not that bad!
I do what I want, and it saves me cash

All day, every day
People always ask me why I'm single
This is why I'm single
I love it, but I hate it
It's the worstest and the greatest
When you're single
This is why I'm single

Ha-ha
If you're here by yourself tonight
Huh
Hold your own hand!
Ha-ha
If you love that feeling of
Independence mixed with that feeling of soul-crushing loneliness
Make some noise!

I'm single 'cause I squawk like a chicken
I'm single 'cause I can't make decisions (I dunno)
I'm single 'cause I'm awkward as hell
'Cause I eat Taco Bell like I'm paid by the minute
I want to talk about my ex on the first date (Again)
I order lots of food but I never pay
Then I get the guy to spill out all his fantasies
But I never tell him anything about me
Nuh-huh!

I can't remember people's names
So I say "Hey, buddy"
I laugh at random times, when nothing's even funny
I Venmo request people using exact change
I sing in public like the world is my stage

All day, every day
People always ask me why I'm single
(People always ask me why!)
This is why I'm single
I love it, but I hate it
It's the worstest and the greatest when you're single
This is why I'm single