Panama City Beach

What does that tell you when your mother names you Bepa
What does that tell you when when you shop at piggly wiggly
What does that tell you when you're mistaken for Ivanka
What does that tell you when you change your name to Vera
What does that tell you when your halter top falls off
What does that tell you when life's a walking shadow
What does that tell you when you miss Vladivostok
Spit the cole slaw spit the cole slaw

Panama City was a paradise to Vera
The Vera ingenuity the Vera brainpower
Walking on the front beach sucking on her thumb
What does that tell you when you pretend to be a Christian
What does that tell you when you pretend to be chaste
Spit the coleslaw spit the cole slaw

Vera bought a new Schwinn rode on the front beach
Vera blew kisses at the boys and the soldiers

What does that tell you when you work at Alvin's Island
The t shirts the towels sun dresses sun glasses
Shot glasses, shells, sun screen, beach toys

Stan the manager had years at Alvin's Island
Vera called him Crackerstan she thought she was funny
She took him in the dressing room and showed him her bikini
Crackerstan thought his foolish heart would explode
Spit the cole slaw, spit the cole slaw

What does that tell you when she started to be late
What does that tell you when she came to work loaded
What does that tell you when Crackerstan had enough
He had enough he had enough he had enough uff uff

Her attitude required a major adjustment

What does that tell you when Vera found a boyfriend
What does that tell you that Cletus was his name
What does that tell you that he dropped her at the movies
What does that tell you that she slept through wonder woman
Vera walked the front beach sucking on her thumb
She found her way to Mike's for Apalachicola oysters

Cletus drove up in her van with baggies of Dilaudid
Some rifles and some hand grenades talking to a policeman
What does that tell you about his immigration problems
What does that tell you about the lack of decent Russian food

What does that tell you that Cleetus took Vera
To meet a modern major general in the Bid- A- Wee hood
Vera rode her Schwinn past the blazing stars
Rainlillies, crepe myrtle, azalea and milkweed

What does that tell you about her gardening skills
What does that tell you that she lived a charmed life
Cleetus made deliveries and waited in the van
Vera returned with cash and cuts on her hands
But Cleetus didnt notice he took the cash and pocketed
All but three 20s which irritated Vera
And caused her to gouge his eyes with her thumbs
She shoved him out of the van and drove away

Leaving Cleetus with a short walk back to front beach
What does that tell you that she was crying in the bathroom
Applying band aids on her long sticky fingers
What does that tell you that Cletus tried to jack her
What does that tell you that Vera wasnt buying
He grabbed round the shoulders - pulled her by her hair
She kicked him in the groin, cut his face with her nails
What does that tell you that back to Crackerstan
Back to Alvin's island where Crackerstan toiled
He toiled - Crackerstan toiled

Vera asked for help and Crackerstan obliged
He produced a shiny Ruger automatic
What does that tell you that he waved the gun
What does that tell you that he started quoting Scarface
What does that tell you that Cleetus came to the door
Crackerstan dialed 911 and played with his little friend
Cleetus made small talk about Richard Spencer
The beach police drove up, Cleetus hit the back door

What does that tell you that Vera hugged the cops
What does that tell you that they each got boners
What does that tell you that Vera had the Cleetus stash
What does that tell you that she split it with the cops
What does that tell you that the cops found Cleetus
Walking on front beach whistling at bikinis
That didnt whistle back
Walking on front beach whistling at bikinis
That didnt whistle back
Cletus explained, "Too hot the eye of heaven shines
Lest the wise world should look into your moan
And mock you with me after I am gone"

His attitude required a major adjustment

Oh Vera the hurricane is coming
Oh Vera spring break is going wild
Oh Vera there was war in Vietnam
Oh Vera see this picture of my mom

What does that tell you when your mother names you Bepa
What does that tell you when when you shop at piggly wiggly
What does that tell you when you're mistaken for Ivanka
What does that tell you when you change your name to Vera
What does that tell you when your halter top falls off
What does that tell you when life's a walking shadow
What does that tell you when you miss Vladivostok
Spit the cole slaw spit the cole slaw