In the Past (Excel Nevermore)

I don't even know, but I gotta let it go
Whoever is up to next, spit on the microphone
"Excel Cruz, A Cruz, whatever you want to call it"
(Where you from?)
"I am from, St. Louis by way of Chicago"
"Suburbs!" (Yup)
"Gotta get that straight"

Covered in filthy rags, focused on only bags
He can't believe all the heartbreak he felt because of self
What's money to the rich, and scraps to the poor
Anything he could get, he would flex, and wanted more
Happiness dependent on status
He announced his moves to impress the girls with heavy baggage
Manipulate minds like a puppeteer
He never once feared retribution ever coming ever near
Invincible like Superman
It's looking like his masterplan
Was bound to fail
Its foundation built on sand
Every relationship, he kept tit for tats
Like he trading commerce
I bet his exes hated that
In fact, he blacked out
No facts, could back down
His raps, reveal a man
Trapped by the past now
See people often dream but never plan
Never grasp reality with their fragile hands
Too damaged by the baggage their past weighs
Gotta spend extra money to check it in on the airplane
Traveling to where peace stays
These days, distractions strays a man's brain
So he checks his phone every minute
Thumb scrolling clinic, instagram visits, snap chatting women
These Moabites got him hype like what flight he on
Destination gone, he focused on
The wrong parts of songs
Goals become what never happened
A flash in the pan that never turned to actions
They long gone, like my glory days of rapping
I'm asking, what really happened
Stuck in the past, will get you trapped in
A never ending dream, where Satan's laughing
A fire breathing dragon

No matter how hard I try
I want to take it back and bring it back to life
But it's already dead and never coming back
Cherish what you have, never dwell in the past
It's in the past, in the past
It's in the past, in the past
It's the present that we gotta live for
Cherish every moment in your life
You gotta live more

Now who am I
I'm just a child in my momma's eyes
35 times I tried to fly
Thought I was wise like an old owl
But I know now my pride
It matches my loud mouth
Now see the flesh that my bones wear
Clearly different colors different scars but pain we share
It isn't rare to smile in public
Yet in private, beat ourselves up
But some stop pulling punches
Pushing grudges, my eyes glued to YouTube
Stuck to what they do, traffic couldn't stop cruz
Copycatting raps and their character too
Obvious too, what's your truth if your copying views
So I flipped my style back, to boom bap, rapid fast
Rhymes put together, stacked back to back
But even that seemed out of wack
Nothing I did satisfied who I am
No remedy and Identity jammed
The trend to be man, already is sand
My plan kept on changing
My heart felt anxious
Slowly lost patience, then I found hatred
The taste of the devil's lips, kissed this kid
My wrists tangled with whips, a tight grip this is
The same whip, that struck the Lord's back
I hold in my hand, hoping the Lord can
Rip it away and leave it in the past
Cause if you carry it it's like strange sounds
Makes ya brain drown
No doctor's hands could cure the pain now
From being idle, that's Satan's playground

No matter how hard I try
I want to take it back and bring it back to life
But it's already dead and never coming back
Cherish what you have, never dwell in the past
It's in the past, in the past
It's in the past, in the past
It's the present that we got to live for
Cherish every moment in your life
You got to live more