How Should I Feel

Monster, how should I feel?
Creatures lie here looking through the windows
Monster, there are voices
In the darkness, and they say they won't go (yeah)

Stare long enough at the abyss and it seems to start to stare back at you
Lost inside my head, it's a scary place I've adapted to
Friends and family call and I tell 'em that, "I'll get back to you"
Too busy on my phone, doom scrollin', spent the afternoon
Stressed out, head down, can barely leave my bed now
I hate thеse fucking feelings, they tell mе to try these meds out
But Doc, we've only talked for like ten minutes, I'm sketched out
Paranoid, can't tell if these people are foes or friends now

You know what it feels like to feel like nobody can help?
I talk but that I feel like you're losing yourself
I wouldn't even wish my enemies the hand I was dealt
Thought I could pave the paint to fame with some material wealth

But tears fallin' in the Tesla, I guess it's kind of ironic
Could feel so fucking broke inside somethin' I always wanted
My demons came to play, it feels like my brain they be hauntin'
Hate myself sometimes as much as they hate on me to be honest
I saw Fentanyl take the life away from my cousin
I watched alcohol steal the life away from my dad
I came from nothing, now I'm scared that might be what I'm becomin'
Look in the mirror, barely recognize the one lookin' back, so

Monster, how should I feel?
Creatures lie here looking through the windows
Monster, there are voices
In the darkness, and they say they won't go

Wrote a song when my dad passed, and they said it was trash
That made me wish that I put less of myself into every track
I know you can't just burn the orchard when one apple is bad
But the fact of the matter is that I feel I'm startin' to crack
And they say, "Don't take it to heart", well, how the fuck do I not?
When I put my soul inside somethin' and they say it's a flop
Constantly tear my art apart when this is all that I got
They wanna see me on a stage or me left in a grave to rot

I've been overstressin' 'bout overstressin'
I lie in bed and think about this life I'm manifestin'
Yeah, my depression's always yellin' that I'm destined for regression
Sad obsession with progression, still they think that I'm just desperate for attention
Broke dead about around this time, just last fall
At therapy tellin' my therapist I feel so small
Pushed everyone I love away, and fuck, it's all my fault
Is it better to feel like this or to feel nothin' at all?

I turned the lights down lonely
Remember back when we were cashing cans at the grocery?
Right there when I was drowning, but they're first to say, "You know me"
So sick of people saying that they care and never show me
My grandpa once told me that inside an empty mind is where the devil likes to play
And everyday it's all the same, I just stare at an empty page
Ruminatin' 'bout all the things that are piled up on my plate
Time I take control of my brain, no, I can't just pray this away, so

Monster, how should I feel?
Creatures lie here looking through the windows
Monster, there are voices
In the darkness, and they say they won't go

(Through the windows)
Monster, there are voices
In the darkness, and they say they won't go