Halfwit

When I was fifteen, I buried you underneath
The dirt the way I did when I was eight
When my hamster died, I laid you to his right

The more you'd speak, I'd push you further away from me
I ran to parking lots to smoke some pot
Instead of feeling you the way you asked me to

Then sixteen, I left you stranded in between
The school hallways to chase heartbreak
Cuz the hero's dress fit the antagonist

With my eyes peeled, you asked for a ride and I turned the wheel
Called you a lie as I learned to drive
I didn't care for the sad, but I wish I had

Lonely and afraid I let you be
I silenced you while you were screaming
I'd walk the earth, I'd fly out, I'd dig in
Just to hear you intently, keep you safer than any
The way I should've then
But you'd be halfwit to trust me again

Seventeen, I locked the gate and burned the keys
With you outside cuz I wanted a night
To be with my youth, and that meant without you
Confidently, I talked to a boy at the party
Remembered what Eve said, "keep your lips parted"
In not a second more, he was closing his door
You weren't there at the time, so I swore I was fine
Lonely and afraid I let you be
I silenced you while you were screaming
I'd walk the earth, I'd fly out, I'd dig in
Just to hear you intently, keep you safer than any
The way I should've then
But you'd be halfwit to trust me again

All I wanna do is call my dad
But I wouldn't want to add to the worry that I know he already has
I don't feel the hurt but I see blood
In the water not knowing if I should keep treading
Or pull myself up and out
I strike the ones my heart wants to hold
The buried parts of you are coming out in ways that I didn't plan for
All I claim to be is my own mother
But who am I to say that after all I did to make you the other?

You'd be halfwit to trust me again
You'd be halfwit to trust me again
Screaming, "I'd walk the earth"