Bonus Points

Your help is not required
I know what I'm doing

At least as much as the next guy
My mouth is feeling so dry

Are you okay?
Are you gonna faint?
Is it your brain?
Is there too much on your plate?
No

There's an umbrella inching in
Like a vaudeville hook
And I would find my confidence
If I knew where to look
I never lie but when I do it's out of laziness
And even then it's usually related to my accent
I intend to follow the path of least resistance
Bonus points if I keep you at a distance

Your help is not required
Okay, thank you, goodbye
I know you want me to confide
But you're dealing with a man of excessive pride

I'm not convinced, now the game it has my skin
You're more persuasive when you kick me in the shin
Just like you said, it was always in my head
It was a tumour so I guess I stand corrected

I know you told me not to call you in the middle of the night
But you seem in dire need of my unsolicited advice
I never lie but when I do it's to protect you
It has the added benefit of being easier too
I intend to follow the path of least resistance
Bonus points if I keep you at a distance

Your help is not required
Okay, thank you, goodbye
I know you want me to confide
But you're dealing with a man of excessive pride
When I say
Your help is not required (okay, thank you)
I know what I'm doing (goodbye, I know you want me to)
Okay, thanks, bye (confide, I'm not really in the mood)
But thank you for asking