December 19

Bloody tears, they're just hitting this page
My biggest fear is that I live long and die from old age
It's strange
All this talent make me feel like I'm caged
Flap my wings till the feathers fall
But when I hit the bars they might break
So I speak, I just parrot away
And hope a record label feed me a mil
Cause it's people shouting my name
I'm in pain
Coming from my own brain
See the pressure make me function
But depression wanna put me in grave
So I'm faded
Numbing out all my angels
Hanging out with my demons
Too horny for halos
Liquor, sex and some pesos
Lately how everyday goes
Lying 'bout being faithful
Feeling so fucking fake though
Get to the point
See I've been thinking bout suicides
I've been thinking bout all the tears all my people cried
They fan my flame and do anything to keep it alive
But I can't thank em, to be real I just apologize
Cause a thank you could only come from the afterlife
After I've been released from life
Mzamo gave me a lease on life
Pulled me down from the fucking sky
Put me into his fucking ride
Sped off into the hospital
Doctor say "it's impossible
You brought this kid in when he OD'd then he hung himself
And then he OD'd again
You were right there to help
But now there's bleach in his stomach
Antidepressants, ironic
And if he don't see tomorrow
Dawg you ain't fuckin fail"
Ain't that the truth
My brother you know I love you deep
But when they lay me down
Just know my soul ain't yours to keep
So please have peace of mind, if I put a piece to my mind
And blow back like I'm Johnny Sins
I hope this is my final sin

December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth I tried suicide
My mom cried and prayed just like a thousand times
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die

Now this to Wandi and JD
Michael Strong and my baby
To my mother, my father and every prayer that helped save me
I was gone, I was sure that they wouldn't resuscitate me
Every time my mom call, the doctor replying with "maybe"
"Will he make it?"
"Maybe"
"Will he wake up?"
"Maybe"
I was deep in a coma begging the Lord to just take me
She said "my son you're too funny
You know you cannot betray me
You see I cursed with life and blessed you with talent that's crazy"
Then I woke up
Chained to the bed, I couldn't move
I was too weak to feed myself
I couldn't lift a spoon
They had some pipes up in my throat
I cried all afternoon
I couldn't get no air
How could I say a prayer
God said she didn't care
Then said my soul is hers to keep
She put these verses in my head
Then told that I gotta preach
If this is my final speech
Hope you enjoyed my Odyssey
And, no, please do not cry for me
Just know I finally found my peace
I'm tryna chase a dream and chase the demons away from me
But I don't trust a deacon and my pride won't let me take a knee
So ma please pray for me
Please mama pray for me
I promise not to let you down
I swear you will not bury me
And when I bury you, I'll dress you in your favourite shoes
The ones you'll wear when we get to the Grammys and we shake the room
I hope you felt it
And trust me I cannot help it
My sacrifices are selfish but these are cards I was dealt with
December nineteenth, I know it was hella frightening
I've dimmed the shine on my lighting
But the little light gon' keep shining, uh
Know it's untimely but this my will and I'm signing
So let me get busy living before I get busy dying
Cause

December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth I tried suicide
My mom cried and prayed just like a thousand times
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die
December nineteenth, I can't afford to die