Mall Santa

It's the holiest night
And the snow's cold and white
And the sugar plums are dancing
Like The Rockettes tonight
But there's someone I need
To make this Christmas complete
And he's over by the JC Penny

I wanna be (She wants to be)
With the mall Santa (The mall Santa)
With his big rosy cheeks
His lap is my assigned seat
And he's the most (Handsome man)
Smells just like a (Aunty Anne's)
I pass the dumb kids in line
I say "Hey, back off he's mine"
And I'm in a disguise
'Cause legally I'm not allowed to be there

Well it's winter at last
So I'll pour a big glass
of eggy nog and buy last minute gifts at The Gap
But there's someone I see
Under that big plastic tree
That reads brought to you by Abercrombie

I wanna be (He wants to be)
With the mall Santa (the mall Santa)
I've never felt this way before
I think I'll get a divorce
From my wife (From his wife)
For the mall Santa (He just might)
We'll take a stroll right upstairs
And get some piercings from Claire's
And hold my hand 'cause I'm scared
And get banana Dippin' Dots while we're there

We've lost the true meaning of Christmas
It's not 'bout carving Christmas ham
It's not 'bout hanging up the stockings
It's about praising the one Holiest man
Sorry Jesus

He wants be (He wants to be)
With the mall Santa (The mall Santa)
He is wrinkled like a raisin
I think last year he was Asian
I want to kiss (His hairy lips)
In our big hats (We bought from Lids)
I'd help him steal from Nordstrom Rack
We'd stuff it all into his sack

We want to be (We want to be)
With the mall Santa (The mall Santa)
He makes us feel young
We're forever 21
We want to be (With Mr. C)
With the mall Santa (Oh pretty please)
With his big rosy cheeks
His lap is my assigned seat
We want to be
We want to be