The Nut

I make every decision in my life
I make the wrong decisions all the time
No matter what the world is looking like
We fuck up and get up again

And that's the part that terrifies me
I've been in places where I couldn't see
The light at the end might get switched off again
And there's nowhere to go when the dark finds me

And maybe that's okay
An acceptance in a way
The illusion of control
Doesn't serve us anymore

If there's nowhere we can run
Then there's nowhere else to be
So I'll sit right here with you
Try to find the space to
Breathe

I know what I'd change about myself
If you want me to, I need your help

I find I'm always trying way too hard
For things I that don't even think I want
Tap my shoulder and say
I should like this one day
And it's all that I will ever think about

Now I realize that you didn't know me
You were drunk and you just wanted to see
If it would make you feel good
To give advice that you should
Have taken back when you were sixteen

But I'll make the same mistakes
All I wanted was a break
From the simple and mundane
When we have it feel the same

Now I want that simple life
I'll deny myself the right
To an earth ship in the hills
I'm afraid of sitting
Still

I know what I'd change about myself
If you want me to I need your help
It's bold to assume you'd change me
If you cared enough you'd sooner leave

My vision's clouded with your compromise
You made a promise, look me in the eyes
And tell me what was more important
I know you have to pay your mortgage

When will I stop entertaining
This idea that I'm not changing
Days go by and I accomplish more than I blink an eye at

I don't know who I am without this
The suffocation of industriousness
But at least I know that I use you to distract myself with
And I'll never be fixed